Did you hear crazy Uncle Charley died today?
They laid him out all neat and fancy in a suit of gray.
In his last few years he didn’t make sense, his brain was mush
But as looney as he was he never forgot to brush.
He was always healthy, only drank water, and flossed his teeth.
So he died at fifty eight, looking real natural under the wreath.
He always heard he’d have great teeth by drinking water with fluoride.
Little did Charley know the rumor was glorified
When the airplane aluminum industry in World War II
Found a manufacturing by product was starting to accrue
They could only use this toxin to kill so many rats and mice
So they called on a company scientist for some much needed advice
The company knew it couldn’t release the poison in the atmosphere
There’d be law suits a plenty and the good company name, some would smear
So the company scientist thought of a plan to dispose of the waste
“We can put in the drinking water where it can’t be traced.”
He found a few experimental rats didn’t have much tooth decay
And this could be a way to lead the population astray.
You see we’ll tell them this chemical hazard is good for you
People will celebrate and bid their cavities adieu
And we as a company can double our sales
We’re feed them the pitch and embellish with tall tales
We’ll get a high profile lawyer to agree with the plan
Pay one the right money and he’ll promote the sham
So communities everywhere were able to rejoice
Praising the fluoride all in one grateful voice
So for sixty or seventy years Americans have drunk the great hoax.
A little daily dose of environmental hazard won’t hurt you folks
Forget about the fact that your brain will begin accumulate
All the amyloid plaque the poison starts to stimulate
It doesn’t start late it starts in the womb
With the mother drinking water as much as she can consume
Giving up her favorite drinks, worried about the baby’s health
When the only thing accomplished was adding to one company’s wealth
The poison is in the baby’s system from day one
The future of the child’s mental capacity has begun
And don’t let your kid be healthy and play outdoors
Cause to stay hydrated, the poison drunk really soars
Now this hazard does nothing to make your water safe to drink
It takes thirty of forty years so no one sees the link
Not many older people remember a crazy grandpa or grandmom
Most sharp as a tack and very productive until time to embalm
Sure there was an occasional relative at the kids table with a bib and a spoon
But by-product water was not their mental cause before howling at the moon.
The rapid rise in dementia is terrifying to most
Since it’s a cumulative process, difficult to diagnose
So have a glass of water while studying the stats.
But better yet give it back to the rats
Or join Uncle Charley so serene on the slab.
All due to 1930’s experimental vermin conducted in a lab.