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A Daily Observer in Bad Poetry

Humor in Daily Life, Politics and Sports

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daily life

The Nursing Home Blues

Well since my baby parked me
I’ve got a new place to dwell
It’s down at the end of Lonely Street
At Memory Care Hotel

Though the brochure seemed cheery
It’s fifty five grand a room
Warehoused dejected elderly
Try to smile through their gloom

You’ve made me so lonely baby
I get so lonely
Guess I’ll be lonely till I die

The food is to be Chef quality
But cold dinners out of a can
Can break a person’s spirit
Saving expenses is the meal plan

The healthcare seems basic
A retired doctor checks your ills
While you waste away in bed
The night staff steals your pain pills

I’m sorry your mom had to die
And my health is failing
Now your idea of contact
Is an occasional call and e-mailing

You’ve made me so lonely baby
I get so lonely
Guess I’ll be lonely till I die

The Christmas Bonus

 

Continue reading “The Christmas Bonus”

This Is The House Where Genetically Modified Products Dwell

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This is the House where GM products dwell

This is the juice
That was in the House where GM products dwell

This is the child
That drank the juice
That was in the house where GM products dwell

This is the tumor
That killed the child
That drank the juice
That was in the house where GM products dwell

This is the seed with labels defiled
That caused the tumor
That killed the child
That drank the juice
That was in the house where GM products dwell

This is the company salesperson with slanted facts compiled
That sold the seed with labels defiled
That caused the tumor
That killed the child
That drank the juice
That was in the house where GM products dwell

These are the shareholders hiding from law suits filed
Hiring company salespeople with slanted facts compiled
Who sold the seed with labels defiled
That caused the tumor
That killed the child
That drank the juice
That was in the house where GM products dwell

This is the seed company the knowledgeable public reviled
Bowing to the shareholders hiding from law suits filed
Hiring company salespeople with slanted facts compiled
Who sold the seed with labels defiled
That caused the tumor
That killed the child
That drank the juice
That was in the house where GM products dwell

This is the White House with campaign contributions stockpiled
Given by the seed company most often reviled
Bowing to the greedy shareholders hiding from lawsuits filed
Hiring company salespeople with slanted facts compiled
Who sold the seed with labels defiled
That caused the tumor
That killed the child
That drank the juice
That was in the house where GM products dwell

This is the once proud farmer now sowing contract GM corn
Watching the sun reflect off the headstone in the glow of early morn
He had signed the seed company’s indenture so there was no other recourse
If he attempted another seed product the GM lawyers would be there to enforce
Wishing he wasn’t planting seed developed as some lab’s brainchild
A broken man he barely functions, his grief can not be reconciled

Chicago Sanitation: Only The Beautiful Need Apply

img_0827The casting call was on page eight of the entertainment section

Please submit a head shot and resume for inspection

An upstart company was trying to compete with television success

Another city based drama should be what the audience requests

So the casting would be done based on the customary blueprint

Get semi known people with varied levels of acting skills and make a mint

The script calls for team interactions while trying to keep out of each others’ way

But all the on camera regulars must be beautiful stated the interoffice communique

Local sanitation Teamsters 893 wouldn’t have anyone working not svelte and chiseled

People with substance abuse, relationship issues, poorly dressed may be old and grizzled

The cattle call was placed and went to all the unemployed actors

Current resumes, photos, and previous gigs were to be determining factors

The cast was to be assembled with a black candidate as the local team leader

Her job was to be tough yet empathetic and a bit of a mind reader

The powers that be are now happy as the cast will appear diversified

And that should keep the people that watch for those things mollified

You won’t see another black person unless in the background and barely on screen

The rest of the cast will be eight white guys, one Asian and one Hispanic ex marine.

Two women will also be included, one a blond and one of mixed descent

The personalities will evolve with one turning out to be a murderous malcontent

However each and everyone will be dazzling right down to their pearly whites

The men must look exceptional with their shirts off and the women in shorts and tights

One never knows when tossing a garbage container they would need to strike a pose

As many a lonely housewife or husband dreams of a sanitation worker with no clothes

The show is cast, many of the regulars straight from underwear ads

Mannequins that speak, in keeping with the network drama fads

Disasters, interoffice turmoil, and job setbacks will be thrust upon the crew

All will be resolved in 52 minutes unless there is to be a part two

The weekly dramas will continue in story lines continuously retold

A kidnapped asthmatic child locked in a dumpster and left in the cold

The drug deal drop point was a can emptied into the hero’s truck

The phone threats stating the drugs will be returned or a fan favorite is a dead duck

Of course the romantically involved regulars hilarious attempt at hiding their lust

When and where the first hookup took place is a bet by the team often discussed

Run the show as a summer replacement and notify the advertisers to buy commercial time

If it doesn’t hit right away throw in some nudity and watch the ratings climb

The crime, grime and raging libidos continue like clock work for sixteen weeks

Regardless of writing, subject matter and overall critiques

Television executives possess no imagination as shows aping shows continue forever

Copy the one show displaying some initiative, a new twist or something clever

Variety shows, westerns, detectives have all ruled the airwaves at one time or another

Flip the channel in any decade for six of one and a half dozen of the other

Currently good looking actors man every professional job under the sun

No one considered plain can ever carry a stethoscope or badge and gun

Someday the burned out public will have had enough and tune in NPR

Now that would be something unheard of and truly bizarre

The Walking Dead Tired

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The twice a year, government mandated jet lag is being forced upon us

The puppet masters are demanding the population be out of sync so everyone adjusts

It’s time to reset every clock in 48 states for no apparent reason

To ignore the command like not paying taxes would be considered treason

The switch from Daylight Saving Time to Standard Time is happening soon

So the evening rush hour in sudden darkness is a body shop boon

The children are still standing at the morning bus stop in the dark

It’s just as black when the afternoon soccer van pulls up for them to disembark

Forget about the massive efforts, time, and cost to change every clock

The audit of company information checking the mythical hour provides sticker shock

Four hundred thirty four million is a number provided as loss in productivity

All forfeited over a hundred year old senseless activity

But this clock setting exercise in futility is not without its’ charms

Blow dried smiling local news people get to advise to check your smoke alarms

Morning rush, meetings and appointments are all in a slow motion haze

While the government sends out pretentious messages singing the praise

Cows and chickens set their day by the sun not their time pieces

The farmers hate the time changes as their stress increases

This idea was instituted in the early twentieth century

The reason behind this notion was very elementary

This was a way to conserve power when the days were longer

From a fiscal sense the use of daylight made the idea stronger

This was before international trade, computers or air conditioning

The world’s move from agrarian to industrialization was transitioning

Twenty four hour business and seven days a week communication

But we, the sheep continue to change our clocks with out further legislation

Time changes were implemented and regulated to aid our forebears

Now our seething tempers diminish after a couple of weeks so no one cares

Heart attacks, auto accidents, and psychotic reactions, all indicate time change stress

With zombie like precision the clocks are set as the government requests

This will change as it always does, when a pregnant politician

Gives birth at 1:47 am the day of the spring forward edition

The twins will be born thirty minutes apart at just the right hour

To make the bleary eyed staff person typing the records cower

The records will show the time of delivery of the first born

Is actually after the second twin due to the hour of the morn.

Sometimes You Have To Eat The Skunk

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The gentle updraft helped propel the vulture ahead

It was breakfast time and he was looking for something dead.

He’d seen a possum yesterday by the side of the road

But it was gone, “We ate it all,” the ravens crowed

Damn birds always sneaking around and eating someone’s lunch

“Oh well,” hoped the vulture. “I guess I’ll settle for brunch.”

By dinnertime his wings were tired and his stomach starting to growl

By now he wasn’t choosy just hoping for something not too foul

When a dot caught his eye by an outcropping of rocks

“Oh good, hopefully that’ll be a nice fat fox.”

But as he circled and expanding his wings for a landing

His feet touched something soft, he came to a repulsive understanding

Why no other animal was feasting on this piece of fresh protein

It had wide white stripe and the overwhelming stench of chlorine

But his stomach was howling and though it truly stunk

Caution went to the wind as sometimes you have to eat the skunk

Such is the same with all life, just like every couple

The everyday annoyances of life they learn to juggle

Life is never smooth there are many patches that are rough

The wise will say it’s those patches that makes one tough

Some foolishly rail on over a broken nail while others not enough to eat

To most it’s the everyday routine that knocks them off their feet

Starting in the morning with the slow brake tapper in the fast lane

Putting the finger waving tailgater on your bumper shouting something profane

And finding in your car park that someone’s taken your spot

So you park fifty yards away in the gravel and dirt auxiliary lot

Stepping gingerly through the chewing gum, broken glass and dog poo

Hoping you don’t bring a souvenir to the office on your shoe

Tedious morning meetings spent trying not to look down a co workers blouse

Or you’ll be accused of having elevator eyes and branded a sexist louse

Here’s a clue for those displaying cleavage and then acting offended

Use that second or third button for what it is intended

Days are squandered tapping into phone menus and watching the computer buffer

Nodding to your boss’s impossible quotas with breath that would make a fly suffer

So you stare at the floor nodding, trying to avoid the breath

That certainly could cause seizures or maybe even death

The days roll on precise in their monotonous routine

Your lunch goes missing as do your stamps and tape by thieves unseen

There’s no paper in the toilet and someone’s peed on the floor

Five can’t get here quick enough to beeline out the door

The road rage appears again in the sweltering afternoon

This time it’s a pickup being driven by a drunk looking goon

But he drives on satisfied that you know you drive like a blind old granny

And you drive on laughing that fluid was pouring out of his tranny

You arrive home just thankful that you don’t trip over any of the kids’ toys

When your wife approaches and asks you to see what’s causing her car’s noise

So you’re back in the hot garage muttering “Who would’ve thunk

That there are many days in life where you have to eat the skunk.”

Fluoride

poisonFluoride

Did you hear crazy Uncle Charley died today?

They laid him out all neat and fancy in a suit of gray.

In his last few years he didn’t make sense, his brain was mush

But as looney as he was he never forgot to brush.

He was always healthy, only drank water, and flossed his teeth.

So he died at fifty eight, looking real natural under the wreath.

He always heard he’d have great teeth by drinking water with fluoride.

Little did Charley know the rumor was glorified

When the airplane aluminum industry in World War II

Found a manufacturing by product was starting to accrue

They could only use this toxin to kill so many rats and mice

So they called on a company scientist for some much needed advice

The company knew it couldn’t release the poison in the atmosphere

There’d be law suits a plenty and the good company name, some would smear

So the company scientist thought of a plan to dispose of the waste

“We can put in the drinking water where it can’t be traced.”

He found a few experimental  rats didn’t have much tooth decay

And this could be a way to lead the population astray.

You see we’ll tell them this chemical hazard is good for you

People will celebrate and bid their cavities adieu

And we as a company can double our sales

We’re feed them the pitch and embellish with tall tales

We’ll get a high profile lawyer to agree with the plan

Pay one the right money and he’ll promote the sham

So communities everywhere were able to rejoice

Praising the fluoride all in one grateful voice

So for sixty or seventy years Americans have drunk the great hoax.

A little daily dose of environmental hazard won’t hurt you folks

Forget about the fact that your brain will begin accumulate

All the amyloid plaque the poison starts to stimulate

It doesn’t start late it starts in the womb

With the mother drinking water as much as she can consume

Giving up her favorite drinks, worried about the baby’s health

When the only thing accomplished was adding to one company’s wealth

The poison is in the baby’s system from day one

The future of the child’s mental capacity has begun

And don’t let your kid be healthy and play outdoors

Cause to stay hydrated, the poison drunk really soars

Now this hazard does nothing to make your water safe to drink

It takes thirty of forty years so no one sees the link

Not many older people remember a crazy grandpa or grandmom

Most sharp as a tack and very productive until time to embalm

Sure there was an occasional relative at the kids table with a bib and a spoon

But by-product water was not their mental cause before howling at the moon.

The rapid rise in dementia is terrifying to most

Since it’s a cumulative process, difficult to diagnose

So have a glass of water while studying the stats.

But better yet give it back to the rats

Or join Uncle Charley so serene on the slab.

All due to 1930’s experimental vermin conducted in a lab.

Billary

ah3

“Thank you for coming Ms.Hinton and please have a seat.”

“We The People are delighted to have a chance to meet.”

“We’ll take a quick look at your resume, if you have any comments please pipe in.”

“So if you’re comfortable where you are let us begin.”

“It says here you graduated from Yale Law School.”

“And if I may call you Billary that would be cool.”

“It was not long before landing a job with the House Judiciary Committee.”

“You tried to deny Richard Nixon the right to counsel as you took no pity.”

“Then conspired to violate the Constitution by hiding precedent files from public view.”

“Nothing was ever proven,” Billary replied. “So those accusations are untrue.”

“Continuing on, it looks like you left the East Coast to follow your husband to Arkansas.”

“That’s correct, I went to work at Rose Hips Law Firm to dispense my take on the the law.”

“I called my husband Saxophone Willie as he liked to play with his horn.”

“And to have my shot to uphold the laws of the State as Willie has sworn.”

“You see I thought with Willie in charge as a bonus you got my judgment too.”

“His office would give me a lot of camera face time to help with my real dream to pursue.”

“So tell me about Whitewater, “said We the People. “And all that land swindle stuff.”

“Well,” she replied, “Nothing about that was ever tied to me.” Her voice angry and in a huff.

“Ma’am there are records here that shows you were involved,” stated We The People.

“Also shown is documentation of a loan official you attempted to wheedle.”

“From what I read this seems to be a veiled attempt to deceive the financial regulators.”

Again she smiled, “I was never charged with anything at all by the investigators.”

“Well let me take a second to recap the next few years of your political life.”

“They don’t seem smooth at all, in fact filled with bitterness and strife.”

“At first all was good after you went to Washington to become first lady of the United States.”

“So you now had the opportunity to have your seal on a set of White House plates.”

“It seems that as First Lady you were put in charge of a healthcare plan.”

“So instead of seasoned lawmakers, Willie decided you were best to carry the can.”

“The proposal was conceived and presented but only after the budget had been ratified.”

“And the request for additional mega dollars left the voting lawmakers mortified.”

“With the plan rejected, your time was spent defending Willie when he played with his horn.”

“And hoping that you would look stronger while trying to deflect the American people’s scorn.”

“The term First Lady meant not in charge, so maybe Senator would work out better.”

“This would slide you out of Saxophone Willie’s shadow and show you to be a true go-getter.”

“As a Senator from New York, you promised an increase in jobs.”

“You then passed along a small grant to Corning, sort of a softball lob.”

“But that did virtually nothing to increase employment in your district.”

“But to the voting public, there didn’t appear much intent to conflict.”

“But Corning was later to send many dollars to your campaign and foundation.”

“During your reign thousands of jobs disappeared, said to be economic fluctuation.”

“Seven bills were introduced by you and all seven were defeated.”

“You felt that insiders were against you by the way you were treated.”

“So forget trying to work as a team player, time to run for the President of the United States.”

“You were then defeated by an unknown man who blew past you from the starting gates.”

“It was failure by you not to realize that the young and minorities had a very strong voting bloc.”

“To ignore a large vote based on your arrogance, he had an easy time gathering his flock.”

“Later to keep you under his thumb he asked you to work for him as Secretary of State.”

“Putting on a brave front, you silently fumed your actions were his to delegate.”

“So you went out to the world to show what we represent.”

“What was left behind was a trail of ruined relationships to a large extent.”

“It seems you presented the Russian Foreign Minister with a red button reset.”

“An attempt to forgive Soviet transgressions with a silly toy was met by an eye rolling nyet.”

“The support of Egypt’s leader Morsai whom you called a peacemaker.”

“And poured billions of tax dollars into this mover and shaker.”

“The people of Egypt then overthrew your chosen man of peace.”

“As the United States influence in the middle east continued to decrease.”

“You were served with an extra large pie of crow and you had a giant slice.”

“As our former allies turned to Putin and Russia and didn’t think twice.”

“This resume states you couldn’t be bothered and played your fiddle while Benghazi burned.”

“And the calls for help prior to the attack went unanswered as you were not concerned.”

“The dead naked U.S. Ambassador was dragged through the streets but not before being tortured and raped.”

“To which you replied in a condescending tone to the inquiry, ‘What difference does it make?”

“It apparently didn’t make much difference to you, but we need to end our talk.”

“We see that you have the ability to hide the truth, you know, walk the politicians’ walk.”

We The People then asked another question. “Do you have much more to highlight?”

Oh, I have a lot more to discuss,”said Billary. “And nothing a court can use to indict.”

“Okay, I’ll give you the short version for you the people to judge.”

“This should clarify my ability as a lawmaker so you won’t hold a grudge.”

“Though I sent my toadie into Iran to start the discussions on the nuclear deal.”

“I wasn’t there when the treaty was signed so I can’t be accused of an attempt to conceal.”

“I set up in my basement and used a private server to send and receive texts.”

“And covered it up by acting innocent, confused and perplexed.”

“Saxophone Willie had to give up his honorary position at Laureate International University.”

“It was a pay for profit school open to all people with their last dollars as one of my nods to diversity.”

“I’ve changed my stance on several items to appease this current crop of voters.”

“This has to happen as I tour different regions of the country as I am my favorite promoter.”

“I’m now for free college, revamped healthcare, and a feel good tax reform.”

We The People nodded their heads and said, “tax increases by your party run true to form.”

”You’re big into climate change, gun control and wiping out student loans.”

“With that in mind, the National Debt must be an item to condone.”

“So now it’s time now to bring in the next contender.”

“And perhaps this person might not be a multi infraction offender.”

“It looks like you have all the qualifications to be a first rate  Washington democrat.”

“Hopefully you can pull the wool over naive voters eyes before they smell a rat.”

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