This page was started mostly as a spoof of the continual contrived seriousness that exists in the world today. Too many people ready to jump down others’throats as someone else might not share their cause or beliefs. I may be contacted at: Skittyman1@gmail.com or twitter @KevinSkittyman1.
The country is opening back up and the masks are coming off
People are acting as if everything is back to normal until they hear someone cough
Suddenly the tension can be cut with a knife as activity freezes
And glares of disapproval are directed at the individual that coughs or sneezes
But if the virus is spread through everyday interaction than that is acceptable
Unless of course unless your employment has you working around those most susceptible
People want to get out, to assume normalcy and to be part of a crowd
Emerging from government forced hibernation eager to participate in activities that are allowed
They want to attend concerts, eat at restaurants and socialize at bars
They want to return to yesterday and take back what is ours
Things once taken for granted are missed the most
It’s time to look forward and raise a glass in future toasts
Everyone expects a spike in virus cases or a second wave
The statistics show most recover with the exception of those with one foot in the grave
The population is more than ready to attend church, sporting events and to travel
To lift up the once strong economy that took only a month to unravel
They’re ready to smell the mustard of ball park hot dogs and taste the crispness of the cold beer
To feel the thunk of the landing gear at a vacation destination without virus fears
But as for me I believe I’ll stay home and inside a while longer
They say what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger
I’m not ready to lay in bed with lungs intubated and gasping for breath
While relatives are hastily making last arrangements needed after death
So everyone can make their own decisions about being foot loose and fancy free
But I’ll continue to lay low and hope someone saves the last dance for me
The voice from the basement came through loud and clear
His speeches had been rehearsed and edited so on his video he’s normal it appears
But all around him his handlers seemed concerned about his next big gaffe
Causing his detractors to enjoy the moment and all have a big laugh
The virus happening at this point in time for the Democrats is very fortuitous
Hoping the stay at home orders are in place through November frustrating Americans and him being victorious
America’s buoyant economy and the man in charge were dealt a very lousy hand
The Dems in their perfect 20/20 hindsight state how prepared they’d have been to take command
Perhaps they could use as an example their highly successful cash for clunkers incentive
But one will never hear that from the media as that might prove insensitive
Viewing from his cellar through his periscope he wants to make 11 million undocumented people citizens
Guaranteeing the leftists stay in power for the foreseeable future supporting the New World Order visions
Taxes would be raised exponentially to support these new people as most small businesses were shuttered due to state mandates
The new poor would have to rely on the government for subsistence, all part of the devious plan of the candidate
When a vaccine is developed there will be orders issued to implant proof of procedure chips in all residents
Without regard to peoples’ privacy, to keep citizens under Big Brother’s thumb will become the new precedent.
So the dems are prepping a angry woman to assume the reins when the newly elected man is sent to Shady Acres Rest Home
Already rejected once by her own party she’ll show the world who’s in charge with an intense leftist retaliation syndrome
All this can be seen by the presidential candidate peering into the shaken world through his periscope
Using his impeccable hindsight to continually push his anti capitalistic taxation heavy envelope
The bills keep piling up higher but the pile of laundry has gotten smaller
I’m rationing my last six pack as my household budget is down to the last dollar
The stimulus check promised a month ago allegedly is in the mail
I’ve tried to log on the see when it is arriving but to no avail
The refrigerator is only cooling last night’s leftovers but the freezer is packed
The news media spreading the constant panic caused my spending to over react
I haven’t shaved in a week and my shower towel is still clean and dry
I’ve been in the same clothes since the first of the month since I’m not in the public’s eye
Besides if you’re not going anywhere the clothes you have on have not been infected
When my temperature was read during my few ventures out no high readings were detected
The pollen on the car has turned it yellow as it hasn’t been cranked in days
And the brittle wipers smeared my windshield into a filmy streaky haze
The price of going somewhere is cheaper as gas is less expensive than it has been for years
Since traveling is frowned on maybe it’s payback for all the former holiday price gouging profiteers
Doctors’ appointments were canceled and asked they be consulted over the telephone
So previously they were just going through the motions when the listened to the heartbeat, peeked in your ears or in your eyes a light they shone
However the grass is cut and multiple chores have been done around the house
Reading and internet searches have been accomplished all the while trying to stay off the nerves of my spouse
This is happening while the country slowly tries to open back up and lose some mandated restrictions
Experts everywhere are quick to second guess all decisions as a failure hoping they’re right just once in their predictions
As America peers over its’ masks and tries to get back to business as usual
And the states and the US government argue over what is constitutional
The tired poor huddled masses are trying to determine what is safe and what is not
Should they stay at home or venture out and give the new world a shot
There are virtually no clues as to where the virus is lurking and where it is attached
The knowledge feverishly supplied by the current crop of experts demonstrates the surface has barely been scratched
You’ve used the drive thru at the fast food restaurant and so far so good
The food came home was removed from the packaging and everyone washed their hands as they should
Since no one is showing any symptoms maybe a trip to the gym is in order to burn off the quarantine pounds
The belt is out a couple of notches and the chip bags are empty so exercise could be as good as it sounds
Hopefully the person wiping down the equipment didn’t miss a spot with the disinfectant wipes
It would be easy to miss a small section while the attendant’s attention wanders as he swipes
America will probably have to live through a period of mental disorder
For instance staring and wondering at the masked and gloved waiters as they take your order
The virus could be anywhere and then again it might not be around
“Are you feeling lucky punk?” Quoting Dirty Harry just to spend a night on the town
The clues this time won’t be easy but rest assured it won’t be Mrs Peacock, Miss Scarlett or Professor Plum.
The virus might have originated on the ATM from an infected card reader that brushed your thumb
Or it might have come from the church lady who felt obligated to help even though she didn’t feel right
And rather than question her unsteadiness you worked along side to be polite
Or maybe it was Sam the butcher handing your change back while wrapping the two pounds of mutton
So instead of the game of Clue maybe we should be playing button, button whose got the button
For certain until the all clear whistle is blown we can make rules for the guessing game of Covid-19
At least until someone develops a safe effective and inexpensive vaccine
Noah, obeying the word of God was assigned a huge task
He did what he was told, he didn’t bother to ask
He was to build a big boat 300 cubits long
Built of gopher wood it needed to be strong
After building the ark with a mallet, wooden pegs and and a saw
There shouldn’t be a problem when the animals arrived that he foresaw
Unfortunately as the animals marched up the ramp two by two
Noah didn’t have a bucket, a long handled brush and a couple gallons of flea shampoo
In his hurry to stock up on salamander food
And gather fresh saplings for the beavers that hadn’t been chewed
He let the elephants and other animals trudge on board with ticks and fleas
Noah didn’t have time for a bug check as he was preparing for forty days of sailing the seas
He had his shot to rid the world of those pests
But he had no control of what was on board and treated all like guests
While he was at it though a guardian at the door to control roaches, lice and mice
And a few less poisonous snakes would have been nice
They appear on camera, at a podium and on the air waves
Dishing out daily expertise while showing excavators digging mass graves
Two months ago no one knew these people to be a health authority
Suddenly, because the media says so their opinions now rule the silent majority
One of their goals is not the public health but to cause America to panic
It’s not hard to believe Government wants to control your lives when the media’s use of casualty numbers makes one frantic
“Stay at home the experts advise, wear a mask and wash your hands
Shut the work force down keep your distance do what what we say,” Big Brother commands
WHO has aligned with China and become a puppet for the Chinese to pull their strings
The two docs on Trump’s staff, one with a scarf and one on a phone book have Clinton ties whose praises they sing
Plunge America into despair and poverty while waiting on the meager government check
Lose your way of life or meeting with friends but hide in the closet as the bill collectors are breathing down your neck
But there is a savior on the horizon, Bill Gates is funding vaccines and financing with his Microsoft billions
This is the same man that forced his software on us civilians
Yes it’s that software that needs constant upgrades for Microsoft to support costing you major bucks
And the fact your system won’t run anything else really sucks
Not to mention the continuing hassles of achingly slow updates, frozen systems and IT issues
He’s planning on vaccinating the world while the mainstream media has you worried over toilet tissues
And Brother Bill’s open border policy will keep the contagious unvaccinated people rolling in
So everyone in contact will need the current vaccine upgrade or the virus paranoia will begin again
Big Pharma is clicking their heels, an untold fortune will be coming their way
The world will be required to have the vaccine series at $1000 a pop or there will be Hell to pay
Their story may change daily but there the experts are acting all confident and bold
But lets all remember, this is the same group of people that haven’t found a cure for the common cold
Keeping up with the Jones’ in the well heeled neighborhood was easy not so long ago
Money was blown that hadn’t yet been earned but borrowing and terms were easy so you could owe
Critical items were needed like ten dollar coffee stops and hair and nails done by appointment
Knowing you had to put off the new phone because the note was due on the luxury SUV was a disappointment
But there was food in the fridge and eating out three times a week seemed like money well spent
Still at the end of the month after all was paid you wonder where it all went
Then came the pandemic a disease that was supposed to happen in other countries but not here
Yet local businesses closed, the income flow ceased peeling away the comfortable veneer
Formally sociable people turned common sense into panic and panic into hoarders
The media and government had every citizen contagious and to slow the spread closed the borders
An ugly realization that bills were still due, the ATM show zero balance and credit cards were maxed
Hoping like crazy the mortgage company’s late fee policy would be relaxed
The news reporters were showing the daily casualty numbers and stores’ empty shelves
All advising the merits of staying at home while broadcasting remotely themselves
The pantry and refrigerator are now empty and the family just finished the last box of cereal
Suddenly poor and humble, the humiliation of asking for assistance seemed immaterial
With hair tucked under a scarf and chipped nails you inch along in the the food line watching the gas gauge point to low
Wishing you’d had fewer dinner parties with thirty dollar bottles of Merlot
This can’t be happening in America, it’s a birthright ticket to easy street
Not sitting in a sweltering line of cars hoping for a box of food so the family will be able to eat
SSSSphaaaplop, it was a sound I’d grown to despise as another loaf of spam hits the pan
I’d been sheltering in place, the urge was building, and I’d come up with a plan
Three weeks of stay at home left me anxious and stir crazy
I’d grown tired of of the complaints about watching reality TV and being lazy
I’ll show you lazy, tonight under the guise of boat hunting I’m going to Madam Cherie’s Fun House Emporium
That’ll make up for three weeks of close quarters and a married bliss moratorium
This area had very few Corona cases and not considered a hot zone
So when no one was looking I put on some spandex briefs and slapped on some cologne
Nothing appeared to have changed as I pulled around the house of clapboard
Parking under the same holly I followed the weathered sign that read All Aboard
Met at the dimly lit entrance by the now mask and glove wearing Seymour the greeter for many years
He told me I could go right in but there was a limit of ten customers due to virus fears
Cherie herself was working the transaction booth behind a new sneeze guard
She stated that due to the pandemic there was only one activity available and handed me the number five card
She said she had to let most of her staff go as her regulars stayed home and times were tough
She said Dixie and Peaches were the only escorts left but they really knew their stuff
So I sat in a stackable plastic chair that smelled of Lysol as the velour sofas had been taken out
My apprehension grew as the noise from the back grew louder and seemed to end in a horrified shout
Apprehension turned to panic when a disheveled number four stumbled out the door
He looked like he’d fought a mountain lion had lost and was shaken to his core
“You’re next,” said Cherie. As I entered the room there stood Dixie and Peaches holding a Slurpee cup and a Hoover
Peaches explained that in normal times the the six foot wand attachment was used as a cob web remover
She also explained that they only used one attachment with the wand but it had a soft bristle tip
Then they laid me back on an easy wipe stainless table covered with butcher paper and told me to unzip
Too frightened to argue I did as I was told and with a flip of a switch the vacuum was fired up
The wand quickly gobbled up Mr Happy my underwear and a bouquet from the washstand while Dixie made squishy sounds with the Slurpee cup
That sound was quickly drowned out by my screams of agony from the wand’s relentless extraction
“Enough,” I shouted terrified Mr Happy would spend the next six months in traction
Mumbling a thank you to Dixie and Peaches for flattening my curve I lumbered toward the exit sign
Positive that eating fried Spam at home for as long as it takes would be just fine.
Though these songs recorded years ago have withstood the test of time
A pandemic of epic proportion can change the meaning of the title on a dime
These songs weren’t written with a global virus in mind
But the title and today’s current conditions can now become entwined
When Ol’ Blue Eyes sang about “Strangers In The Night”
He wasn’t singing about masked neighbors keeping their distance on a sidewalk to be polite
And George The Possum Jones’ country hit “All My Friends Are Strangers”
He wasn’t advising that human contact could be a danger
Social distancing with Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton has come into play
”Distant Strangers” is now sound advice to not become virus prey
Social media is helpful in this abruptly perilous time
Barbara Lewis’ “Hello Stranger” is a greeting to combat any closeness crime
“Company Of Strangers” by Bad Company could be appropriate for the left coast
As California released prisoners to roam the streets looking for someone to be their host
Most of the American public can agree on “Strangers In A Strange Land” by Leon Russell
As the streets are empty, restaurants closed and no sound of city noise and bustle
Finally Billy Joel released The Stranger his critically acclaimed record
Because we Americans are suddenly strangers the album title strikes a dismal chord
Also included in the disc is the sadly prophetic track “Only The Good Die Young”
Unfortunately in today’s world this could become a funeral dirge by the way it’s sung
