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An Observer of Life in Bad Poetry

Commentary on Daily Life, Politics and Sports

Hello, My name is Kevin, and I am the bad poet

Commentary on the world around us in simple Mother Goose type rhymes to be shared among people from all walks of life.  I may be contacted at: Skittyman1@gmail.com  or twitter @KevinSkittyman1.IMG_1921

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Every Time A Bell Rings

The hot chocolate had been served and the Christmas carols were in full swing

The blabber mouth parrot had already stated for the fortieth time that “every time a bell rings an angel gets her wings”

A muffled knock on the door caused all the heads to look up simultaneously

“Ask for the password” said two of the party spontaneously

“Password?” asked the host shushing his guests with his ear against the door

“Clarence” came the whispered reply barely audible so the neighbors wouldn’t hear and the party be done for

“Were you followed?” asked the host peering through the blackout curtains to the empty street

“No” said the guest. “I backtracked to make sure I wasn’t followed. I was very discrete”

“I parked down the block and used a holly branch to cover my tracks in the snow”

“And then crawled along the fence so I wouldn’t be seen and no one would know”

“Every time the door bell rings we think we’re getting caught in a government sting,” said the parrot from his perch

Always fearing the worst the host glared at the bird paranoid this gathering would leave him in a lurch

The good hearted Bedford Falls policeman had been replaced by a tattooed social worker always in a bad mood

If caught with a gathering more than five large fines and community service were doled out with no arguing as you were positively screwed

Whatever happened to “Remember no man is a failure as long as he has friends”

It seems this phrase has been replaced by “A man can have friends as long as he pays the price for the rules he bends”

The party started up again in a more relaxed mood enjoying Uncle Billy quietly tickling the piano keys

Happy in the warmth and fellowship, savoring the carefully prepacked buffet and for once not worrying about the heavily politicized disease

The bird had been strangely quiet but the host was sure it wouldn’t last long

He didn’t realize that when he taught the parrot “the bell” slogan he would be so wrong

The laughter and smiles continued as all in the party were enjoying themselves

Relishing the glow from the punch and telling ribald stories about the elves on the shelves

When all at once the party groaned and then cheered as the parrot screeched from his swing

“Every time a bell rings, WHOA! WAIT! Who let the cat in?”

Get That Damn Turkey Outta Here

The noise from the barn yard continued as this swaggering bird was not going quietly into the night

He was fighting every request to concede and be cooked because that is his right

This bird had a hard few years, abused by a large drove before finally being cornered and plucked

His many attempts at barnyard growth were pushed aside by swine whose sole purpose was to obstruct

The hogs only concerned themselves with being first at the trough

“No one else mattered except us elite pigs,” they would scoff

“This turkey wandered into our private feed lot and tried to make life easier for the working class animals”

Once proud to pull their weight the livestock had been reduced to peering through the fence panels

This porcine group had no use for this self proclaimed cock of the walk

”He’s a buffoon, not one of us,” But the livestock followed and that caused a shock

Old videos were circulated about this bird chasing other hens

“His constant crowing is disturbing and from our yard we must cleanse”

“He’s a deplorable and a misogynist.” Claimed one of the loudest and still bitter sow

Failing to realize that the rest of the farm knew she should have hoed her own row

“He’s xenophobic,” called the elitists peering from the loft filled with sweet green hay

The bird was only saying when rats are allowed to invade the barn there aren’t enough enforcement cats to keep them at bay

Now using the current spread of hoof and mouth disease the elite swine blamed it all on this bombastic bird

Hiding behind the murky updates from Snow White and the dwarf they forced their propaganda on the herd

So it’s come to this, the turkey had lost his fight and was to be served on a platter

The proud barnyard livestock will once again be tossed scraps while the big pigs only get fatter

The Newly Blend Game

Cue the trumpets and let the Bridal March commence, it’s time again for the Newly Blend Game.

In this special edition we’re going to feature one special couple we’ll refer to as the geezer and the dame

The now politically correct lesbian host, Roberta beaming with pride introduced the two contestants as as Jojo and Kayla.

And went on to explain because of the importance of this new “it” couple the audience was hand picked to attend this gala

The other two couples will only be referred to as the right leaning American public and the Constitution

Also the host added that the selection panel didn’t have any hope for the second and third couple and is anticipating dissolution

So with the partners secluded backstage in a soundproof room the questions began

“Question number one, Kayla what would you say is your partners favorite breakfast?” “Oh golly, Jojo’s such a foodie but I’ll have to go with Ensure and and Raisin Bran”

“What about us?” asked contestants number two and three.

“We’re sorry, but you’ll have to speak only when spoken too,” stated the emcee

“Question number two, Kayla what did you say to Jojo on your first meeting?’

Well Roberta, the first time we met we were in front of a large audience and he was a candidate I planned on defeating

So I told him a story of a little girl on a school bus and informed him he believed in segregation.”

‘Okay Kayla, sounds like you had that story at the ready and turned it into a rather harsh recrimination”

“Finally Kayla, what would you say was the most unusual place you ever made whoopie?’

Easy one Roberta, we never made whoopie but I did let him smell the hair of a twelve year daughter of a democratic groupie.”

“Thank you Kayla and we’ll be right back to see how your partner answers right after this station break”

“Welcome back contestants, now is time to see how well you know your partner and it’s nice to see Jojo awake”

“Okay first question, what would your partner say when asked upon awakening what do you like to eat?”

Well depending on the time of day I like to eat applesauce and cream of wheat.’

“Your partner said you like to have Ensure and Raisin Bran,” stated Roberta as the wrong answer horn blared

“That’s okay Jojo we’ll call it correct, allowances are made as integrity doesn’t matter and you may be impaired”

“Question number two, what did your partner say to you the first time you met?”

I remember that one Roberta, she called me a segregationist and after being hounded by one reporter that description I’ve come to regret”

“I see Jojo, Finally what did your partner say when asked what was the most unusual place you ever made whoopie?”

Well Roberta I have no answer for that as we’ve never done it because I’ve become pretty droopy”

“Wow couple number one you’ve just won the grand prize. Johnny tell ’em what they’ve won”

“Yes couple number one you’ll be living the life of luxury when you embark on an all expense taxpayer paid trip to your private domain as multitudes bought your con”

“And contestants number two and three you’ve won the consolation prize”

“You get to sit back and watch society and the American’s dream’s demise”

Battleground States: The Must Have Christmas Board Game

Feeling left out that you didn’t get to participate by voting multiple times in in a Battleground State?

Think about how much better you’ll feel when under the tree is the brand new board game that gives you the opportunity for an election system to desecrate

This game is designed to give the players the thrilling feeling of rigging an election

The directions are easy, anyone can play and cheating is encouraged as there will be no neutral inspection

Any number of players can play and each is dealt ten illegal ballots and one software glitch

Also a stack of cards are placed upside down in the center of the board to help the chosen candidate’s election go without a hitch

These cards are to be drawn every time the opposing candidate’s numbers begin to surge

For instance one card gives the media favored candidate the right for an opposition ballot purge

Another card changes the long standing rule when mail in ballots may be received

This is called a super card that virtually guarantees victory as the player drawing this can ignore state legislatures and set his own rules leaving the opposition feeling deceived

Other cards include poll workers being able to trash ballots, postal workers authorized to back date ballots and of course a list of citizens long since dead

Imagine the joy on the face of your great great great grandfather when into the ballot box his name is fed

Oh yes, the fun goes on non-stop until someone draws the card that say the news media can call a winner

Also included is a template so you can produce as many ballots as needed on your own printer

So why miss out on the fun? Put this game on your Christmas list

Because now it’s only a matter of time before Christmas will be ordered to cease and desist.

Arizona Called Early? Blame It On Homer

A little to the right, uh uh, move the foil, hold it right there, that’s good
It was time for The Simpsons and the rabbit ears needed adjusting to receive the best picture you could

A few years ago Fox Network was a second tier channel but did feature a couple of lovable losers Homer and Al Bundy
Viewers related to to these two stumbling through life like everyday was a Monday

But the Fox executives wanted more, they realized with the right programs they could have a big time organization
In order to pull in large blocs of viewers showing sports was their rationalization

It was then Fox threw tons of money to buy the rights to NFL broadcasts complete with fancy graphics and bantering talking heads
Also jumping on baseball and car racing and for another group of lovable losers, advising point spreads

Realizing the bar didn’t need to be set too high to attract American viewers, Fox just needed to fill a void
Looking around the executives realized that conservatives were shut out of all newscasts they had previously enjoyed

Fox News was created to attract the traditional watcher and fill in that vacant time slot
And soon disillusioned viewers from other networks were tuning in and Fox had another jackpot

In this progressive world the conservative perspective will not last long. The broadcasters might sing one song but behind the scenes another is being sung
The filthy rich owner’s newly woke children now can isolate from the working class and control conservatives from the top rung

So when Fox News calls Arizona early in the evening, very simply one can blame Homer
Because calling Fox network a conservative channel would be a misnomer

It should then come as no surprise during Fox’s mindless hit show The Masked Singer even though it’s not your cup of tea
‘When the person wearing the giant fish head is revealed it might just be Chairman Xi.

Stink Bugs In Love

Pfssst, the cloud of abdominal discharge filled the air with the familiar stench

A new unsubstantiated rumor was afloat so dizzy reporters cued the cameras and held microphones in a tight fisted clench

The haze of gas enveloped all and consumed these reporters with eager anticipation

This is it! With no sources named as it matters not, we can end 3½ years of frustration

The love pheromones had their antennae frantically waving with the idea of a six o’clock news scoop

We can ruin the conservatives with this new report both on the news and social media with one fell swoop

The noxious odor grew stronger as the tech giants joined in the fray

Another chance to mislead the gullible public they thought while sucking in another lung full of spray

The stink bugs spreading their gas caused their congregation to grow at an astounding rate

Right or wrong this is our story and we’ll report it 24/7 and leave it to them to negate

The bugs got so excited they began to touch antennas together in a show of unity

This action caused all their abdomens to vibrate as they couldn’t pass on the opportunity

Soon a stink bug love fest broke out with all the insects eager players

Only stopping to catch their breath they simultaneously exclaimed, “that ought to fix you deplorable taxpayers”

“We’ve had an impeachment attempt, Russian collusion and a Supreme Court nomination all blow up in our face”

“But this new cloud of gas ought to put us back in charge and leading the race”

So as the boundary between the bug orgy and commonsense widens

One can see familiar faces at the bottom of the throbbing pile, a species scientifically known as Picromerus bidens

picromerus_bidens

picromerus_bidens

Say It Ain’t So, Joe

As the Biden campaign train continues to run in tiny circles in his basement

The candidate continues to blow smoke about being Trump’s replacement

With his curious strategy one must listen quick when he pokes his head out of his prairie dog hole

American people would like your answer on an occasional question like what are you going to do about coal

But wait, it seems that the answer given has to do with the audience of six he is speaking too

In reality the only energy he will consider after doing away with the oil industry is energy a newly formed manufacturing group can renew

Say It Ain’t So, Joe

Now you’re blaming the spread of co-vid on the President while this virus continues to ravage planet Earth

And hiding behind experts that are learning on the run you play that card for all it’s worth

So if in charge, how are you going to hold the Chinese accountable for the devastation

Apparently we are going to tell them that they’ve been bad actors and watch them quiver with fright over that condemnation

Say It Ain’t So, Joe

You say you’re a friend of minorities but let’s take a look at how you really feel

You state you’re sorry for your crime bill that was way over the top for petty crimes that ruined thousands of lives behind bars of steel

But are you truly sorry as you peer down from your government perch

To find the real man behind his bluster one doesn’t have to do much of a Google search

The minorities your party feels entitled too apparently are super predators and live in a racial jungle

Phrases like ”you ain’t black,” or bring in social workers to show families how to raise their kids add to this media suppressed bungle

Say It Ain’t So, Joe

Finally you’ll need to pull your head back to safety when the New Green Deal’s bill comes due and reality sets in

You’ve been drooling over huge tax hikes for the rich and getting your hands on Social Security thinking that’s a win

The fact is the New Green Deal is gonna cost Americans way more than they are willing to pay

Unfortunately because they’re being led down the Yellow Biden Road with blinders on they’re going to find out the hard way

So Say it ain’t so Joe continue to smile at the camera and lie your head off

And Americans can feel your programs much like at the doc’s as he lubes his finger and tells you to turn your head and cough

Judge 54 Where Are You?

The cases to be reviewed were on the desk as Chief Roberts attempted to call the Supreme Court to order

On the docket for this session were arguments concerning putting peoples’ wealth on hold and do we really need a border

The courtroom appeared to be standing room only but a closer look revealed the space was filled with newly designated court appointees


For the court findings to always rule in leftist favor the newly elected President added an additional forty eight radical justices so the majority always agrees

Currently the arguments could not commence as two of the new justices could not be found

It seems two judges from the great states of Puerto Rico and Washington DC were at the local pot dispensary to buy a pound

With marijuana now legal in all 52 states they felt their thought process to rule on cases would be greatly expanded while high

And since pot dispensaries were on every street corner they thought while on tax payers time they could lay in a supply

While waiting for the court to resume Chief Roberts surveyed the T-shirt clad justices all with their causes emblazoned across their chest

The traditional robes had been cast aside as the new radicals chose to be casually dressed

A quick glance around the room showed demands for the new green deal, planned Parenthood, The Paris Accord, and defunding the police

All anxious, screaming support and obscenities about their pet causes as the squeaky wheel gets the grease

His eyes suddenly stopped on the Abolish The Electoral College t-shirt, as he couldn’t remember Hillary being appointed without his knowledge

But there she was screeching she coulda shoulda have been the first pants suit wearing woman in charge if it wasn’t for that damn Electoral College

With complete disdain for the American citizens the democrats had formed a court of extremists to rule in favor of their leftist referenda

With no thought to American business or taxpayer as to how to pay for their progressive agenda

To the shallow minded democrats the talk of a few trillions more rolls easily off the their tongues while making hard working people shudder to think

It’s easy they say and no big deal as we’ll just print more money ’cause we have an unlimited supply of ink

We Won’t Raise Taxes @ $5/gal

Remember when Obama ruled and gas at the pump on a good day was $4/gal.

The eagle had flown for the oil sheiks with America grasped in it’s talon

Their keffyeh’d heads and robed figures would get together every couple of months to fix the oil output

“We must keep the price inflated for our gains and keep America under our foot.”

How quickly we forget constantly calculating mileage in our heads ’cause a trip to Grandma’s was seventy five bucks

And groceries were up 30% as a fuel surcharge was added for product delivered by trucks

Airlines canceled flights, propane tanks had minimum delivery requirements as customers couldn’t afford a full tank and homes were warmed with space heaters

Those nightmare days could return sooner then later should the votes fall in favor of the liars and cheaters

Should the Biden/ Harris ticket win say goodbye to to fossil fuel and coal burning plants

Fracking and it’s associated jobs will disappear in the first year as Joe slowly shuffles into the shadows because we all know Kamala wears the pants

However watching Senator Harris debate Vice President Pence was disturbing to say the least

Her leadership skills need to be questioned as she answered nothing and could only regurgitate tired facts as her sophomoric eye rolling increased

The Democratic party is intent on slamming their super crazy high priced schemes down everyone’s throats forgetting that they might soon be on the world stage

The foreign super powers aren’t going to be impressed with coddling to your anemic democratic pals as the partisan weaknesses will be easy to gauge

Because quite frankly they’ll have no use for the annoying giggle and trying to look smug

As Xi, Putin and Kim Jon-un will take turns to squash her like a bug

So Americans keep your Gas Buddy app handy as you’ll be looking for the best deal

As in the not too distant future $5/gal may be quite the steal

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