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December 2021

Biden vs Mr Zippy the Chimp

The party had once again spoken. The primary was now down to a single human candidate

The rest of the democrats had their moments both in the spotlight and now on stage but failed the debate

Vice President Harris again proved she is little more than a scripted mouthpiece with an annoying giggle

Elizabeth Warren was loud but previous falsehoods and finger pointing had left no room to wiggle

Pete Buttigieg tried to reassure the public of his abilities but had no logical explanation of the supply issues happening on his watch

Hillary announced her candidacy but the party quickly kicked her to the curb as they did not want her having the power for another election to botch

With the runoff ballots printed and the majority rule in place, that only left President Biden and Mr Zippy the roller skating chimp

The ape had put on quite the political show screaming into the mic, rollerskating in circles while tooting his horn, slinging poo, and wearing his campaign slogan stating “Biden is a Wimp”

The monkey’s handlers made sure the voting public knew world leaders weren’t shaking in their boots when Biden spoke

They could care less about what this man said as they knew he always cowed to the crowd that is woke

Due to the invention of videotape, everyone knows that Biden lies, panders to his audience and then taking no questions, runs like a chicken

His action to end the pandemic in short order was hide at the beach and watch the nation with the virus be stricken

Hordes of sweaty confidants huddled feverishly about how to best harvest ballots this time around to ensure a win

The mainstream and social media were at a loss as no amount of false narratives or censorship could cause people now just getting by to believe that spin

And slinging crap at the opponent was now off the table as the monkey was very adept at that sport

So Biden was caught at the podium with the eyes of a deer in the headlights as his former voter base was giving Mr Zippy their support

It was a bad first year. Biden slipped and crashed in monkey poo with every step. His numerous failures were not a good look

He played the American people for fools, misjudged his own prominence, and the popularity of his opponent was just another step he mistook

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Make A Mandate Better Again

The new candidate stepped up to the mic to address the crowd

The assembled group was sparse as anyone with a dissenting opinion was disallowed

The media all trained their cameras on this individual in eager anticipation

Staring out from the podium the candidate began to speak. “Hello my name is Victor Variant and I’m controlling this election with or without your cooperation”

“I’ve heard all the spiels from the previous elected officials and frankly they know nothing about me”

“Oh, they ordered up jabs, masks and lock downs. They’ve flattened the curve, closed down schools, businesses and blamed every death in the last two years on my killing spree”

“But I will tell you this. I’m going to be involved in every world wide event both current and future and the outlook is dim”

“My goal is adding to the desperation of the global population and keep everyone’s eyes vacant and their expressions grim”

“I was created by evil people in a restricted lab to control the populace as dictated by their fluctuating science”

“Now handcuffed by my own ever morphing power, the best these small-minded individuals can accomplish is issue weekly data, new restrictive laws and with the help of inept leadership order compliance”

“I won’t need a running mate for I’ll be around as long as I’m able to mutate”

“I’m sure the candidates will all line up for the primaries and present their meager ideas during a televised debate”

“I won’t have to say one word, one cough from me and like Afghanistan, it’s everyman for himself as they scramble for the door”

“Let me be on record to promise I’ll do my job of ridding the planet of the ignorant, the elderly and the poor”

“We’ll be able to start a new world inhabited by those few that emerged unscathed and managed to survive”

“Just like roaches under a rock, this group will be able take over the former infrastructure, reproduce and thrive”

“The new world will be ruled by a very few elites living in a protected bubble but most will exist in the ant colony their life most resembled”

“Those in power can then set their own rules about how society is regulated and assembled”

“So just remember on election day, it doesn’t matter whether you vote for a conservative or one who has awoken”

“A vote for whoever is a vote for me, Victor Variant, as together we will Make A Mandate Better Again”

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Joe’s First Trip Around The Board

The dice had been rolled and Joe with the highest number had his pick of game pieces

He picked the top hat as he had spent 40 years standing in the shadows doing nothing as his little man frustration increases

He chose a running mate based solely on gender and race not on experience or qualifications

She was anointed strictly to vacuum votes but now was rallying her own troops to take command based on Joe’s shaky limitations

So stepping up to Go he rolled a six and slowly counting the squares landed on Oriental Ave

A tricky arrival as this was the home of the pandemic but this location had also been lining his son’s pockets so he kept his head down as crossing them would be taboo

He had been hoping to land on Connecticutt so he could travel to his beach house and call a lid

That way he could hide from questions from his once fawning press and venture out only for a catastrophic event, God forbid

Next roll had him land on the Electric Company, the future of the Green New World

The country would soon be powered by landfill clogging toxic batteries and littered with giant ugly pinwheels that whorled

Snake eyes took him straight to Community Chest where he drew the card reading collect 50 dollars from every player

He could then donate this hard earned money to the blue cities to increase social worker positions to fight escalating crime at the discretion of the liberal mayor

A roll of three and he safely made it past New York Ave with the chaos of the Cuomo brothers, their new nutty governor and landed on Free Parking

He could hide there, not worry about public gaffes, take orders from his strategists and have a specific agenda for the future trip he would soon be embarking

Rolling a five he landed on a railroad whose value had greatly diminished as the goods they usually carried were currently languishing off the coast

Claiming he solved the supply issues his red headed mouthpiece issued the news. “We saved Christmas.” She would boast

A ten showing on the dice landed him on Pennsylvania Ave and immediately after his stiff legged jog to the White House his new puppy dumped on the floor

Another snake eyes and he landed on Chance and pulled the Get Out Of Jail Free card that he’d hold on to in case his former dealings were exposed and became too much to ignore

Snake eyes again and Luxury Tax stated pay $75. Joe just waved that on to the taxpayers as items like food, shelter and gas were now considered an amenity

He’d now survived one trip around the board but is realizing he has found the job overwhelming and was hoping by now for peaceful serenity

But he has three more circuits around the board to make and is running out of variants to hide behind

Within the next six months he’ll show the world what he’s made of and unfortunately the world will realize he really is out of his mind

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Any Variant is a New Green Deal

The numbers were phenomenal. Sales of their new vaccine had been through the roof

Suddenly people that had been vaccinated and supposedly immune were getting sick. New cases shown from each state were the proof.

The boardroom was quiet as the CEO rose to speak. “This is unacceptable, people are starting to question our capability.”

“We have to act fast while our leader is holding on to the pandemic as his savior before he gets the boot due to his senility.”

“People are no longer lining up and rolling up their sleeves as they are defying the government’s mandate”

“We can’t allow people to begin to think for themselves and our momentum to stagnate”

“What we need is a new variant to spook the population. That always sends them scurrying to the nearest clinic”

“Sure, there will always be people to question our drug with cases showing multiple clots and heart issues but by scaring enough people we can withstand the occasional cynic”

“Has anyone here seen a country with an outbreak that looks a little different from what we’re seeing now?”

“J.R.,” said one of the researchers from behind his laptop screen. “I see where 63 people dropped dead in Macao”

“Terrific! No wait a minute isn’t Macao now controlled by China. That might just be another experiment by the Wuhan lab”

“Come to think of it, this could be perfect. We could put the Chinese scare into the population just to make sure they all line up for another jab”

“We could recycle our excess vaccines, package the product differently and relabel it as Booster 4.”

“That way the government will continue to pour money into our coffers and we can hide huge amounts of profits into bank accounts offshore”

“We should send China a thank you note. If we can spring a new variant every six months or so, our profits will continue to soar, as it looks like we’ve only just begun”

“Since the government has granted us immunity from law suits we can say we love our new variants. To paraphrase Tiny Tim, “God bless the new viruses everyone”

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A Holiday Adventure at a Charging Station

It was miserably cold and snowing. The battery indicator readout was dangerously low and Granny’s house was still 150 miles away

The digital numbers were ticking near 20% and dropping rapidly on the display

Passing many service stations with high priced gas, the young mother would have gladly paid six dollars a gallon for a full tank and a seven minute stop

The three young kids all strapped in were fussy and the dog probably needed to pee. The past four hours of squinting through the blurry windshield left her ready to drop

Luckily she was able to pull into a vacant government charging station to plug in as she had downloaded the proper app

Perhaps she’d be able to get the three kids into the snack and restroom kiosk and once back in the car they’ll take a nap

The meter was showing it would be approximately 73 minutes to obtain enough charge to make it to Granny’s house

Guilted into this journey so Granny could spend the holidays with the grandkids, the young mother wasn’t real happy with her absent spouse

Now in addition to changing the kids in the family friendly kiosk facility she had to figure a way to walk the dog

Maybe her one break with the wintery weather is that no one would see the dog relieving himself just outside the car door in the snow and fog

“I’m tired of this movie when are we going to get there?’ asked the five year old from the back seat

Squawked another, “I’m hungry and my feet are cold would you please turn up the heat?”

Silently cursing the DC group that killed the oil industry, she now had to keep her group entertained for the same amount of time it would have taken to finish the trip to Granny’s

Maybe they’ll be willing to play “Find the french fry” that might have fallen into one of the nooks and crannies

As a final insult to this frustrating stop, she had to reach into her purse and get a firm grip on the pepper spray she had concealed

And hoping the dog’s frenzied barking would deter the strange looking man currently knocking on the windshield

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