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An Observer of Life in Bad Poetry

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humorous look at politics and sports

Team Cell Block vs Team Memory Care

This years political World Series has been decided. Team Cell Block will try to best Team Memory Care for a winner take all

Trying to take home all the marbles, the Vegas odds makers are expecting a bare knuckles brawl

There will be no rules on this one. Name calling, mudslinging, and whispered unfounded rumors will all come into play

Under the guise of a debate, America’s pathetic and dismal political scene will be on worldwide display

In one corner will be the twice impeached ex-President and in the other will be the current President, a demented and angry old man

One fueled by burgers and fries and one by medicated applesauce and oat bran

Expected to come out swinging, the debate will be monitored by the always reliable CNN known for pushing stories like Russian collusion, laptop disinformation, and whipping migrants from horseback as they crossed the river

There should be no such bias from these broadcasters as they prepare to do their best for a non-partisan debate to deliver

Included in the specified rules were the demands from both parties in order to proceed in this spectacle of political gaming.

This should keep it fair for all as four years ago the debates were fumbled by all networks and moderators as both sides are claiming

The ancient guy is specifying no live audiences that could interfere with his train of thought

He is also demanding a couple of breaks as he may head back stage before looking too distraught

Muted mics are also in demand to keep accusations of incompetence silenced after the time limit expires

This gives the other debater time to counter with their own version of immigration, economy turn around, and enemy ceasefires

Another demand being bandied about is the candidates submit to a drug test to prove they are not medically high

And in order to watch this debacle, since weed now seems readily available, most of the viewership will probably be smoking their own supply

It should be interesting to watch Cell Block Trump duking it out with Memory Care Joe

The hatred will be instantly evident as the insults will immediately flow

America will sit in awe as these two spend a couple of hours achieving little but deepening the disdain between her citizens

And the wagons will be circled in an ever tightening knot as each ethnic group feels more and more isolated by these divisions

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Activists Needed: Hoodie and Mask Required

You had been looking for easy work since daddy had cut your funds and strolling past the bulletin board a want ad had appeared with the tear off strips

It was now time to back up those incensed anti-capitalist exclamations that have been rolling off your lips

Dialing the number listed, the recorded voice explains the time, the marshaling location, the per diem pay and a brief synopsis of the cause

Being a student of history for the last semester, you are prepared to become angry and ignore posted protest laws

Pulling out your dark Gap hoodie and LL Bean lambswool scarf and hoping for a menacing look

Because after all it’s a paying job, free food, and just maybe for once a chance to not be identified as a mook

So you’re ready to “stick it to the man” as the glorious protest anthems from previous decades ring in your ears

The angry mob had already formed as you approach the city square with the hoodie up, face covered and sweating heavily as the time to demonstrate nears

You checked in using the code name assigned, grabbed one of the preprinted protest signs and surged to the front of the mob

Screaming the curses of the oppressed as the aggressor continues to bomb, kill, rape and rob

The speaker was beside himself with rage as his speech was sparking murmurs of upheaval

Spittle was coating the megaphone as he shouted his justification to rebel as the aggressor to his cause was pure evil

It was easy work, the faux anger, the feeling of brotherhood, and at least for while not being society’s outcast

Perhaps you’d found your true calling, you were now somebody at long last

Yelling the oppressed slogans you pushed ahead marching to a new-found drumbeat when suddenly the cops appeared

Summing up that mob courage inspired by your comrades as they taunted and smirked and ignored the orders the area must be cleared

The stand-off lasted only for the ten-minute warning then tear gas canisters filled the air

With blurred vision and burning skin you stumbled your way out of the square

Once back in your nondescript room you pulled your trash can out and continued to barf

And realized the per diem pay didn’t cover the cost of the LL Bean lambswool scarf

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Monkeys, Juice, and Porn Star Seduce

Famous trials over the past century have always advanced the causes of the attorneys charged with winning the case

And how the trial is reported by the press is the view the public should embrace

Almost exactly100 years ago the Scopes monkey trial was major news as it challenged the requisite belief of the bible

It seems high school teacher John Scopes was accused of teaching evolution and violating the recently passed Butler Law and therefore was libel

Apparently Scopes didn’t buy into man was formed by a lump of clay

But instead crawled out of the ocean and continued upscaling until they became the rappers of today

The two attorneys were William Jennings Bryan a staunch defender of fundamental Bible teachings and Clarence Darrow an ACLU advocate and guardian of the Constitution and each orator had their say

In the end the verdict boiled down to John Scopes had taught evolution in violation of the narrow sighted Butler Law, was fined $100 but probably couldn’t use Apple pay

The next trial of the century was highly publicized as a former football star and part-time actor was accused of killing his wife and a friend

The media had a field day with a celebrity on trial and a group of high profile lawyers to defend

The names Cochran, Bailey, Shapiro, and Clark all became familiar as the press highlighted them on nightly news

A television audience remained riveted to the testimony hoping someone would deliver uncovered clues

The trial made stars out of the involved with judges, attorneys, and witnesses all mugging for their moment in the spotlight

A huge television audience hung on every word as racial overtones were front and center since the accused was black and the deceased white

In the end celebrity won out as the only suspect walked away scot-free and two were dead

Leaving remaining images of a tainted glove that didn’t fit and the staircase where the murdered had bled

The current trial has charges being brought before a jury to consider whether an ex-president committed fraud by falsifying payments to a porn star

The eighteen-year-old charges for an alleged cover-up are some of many filed by leftist DA’s in two different states and seem increasingly bizarre

This trial features attacks on the Constitution itself not on people or a religious standard

A socialist win at all costs, by the DA and judges appears more and more like justice is ignored and the rulings are gerrymandered

While this circus trial continues the three ring act is oozing with contempt by celebrity wannabes evidenced by the jurists, prosecutors, and the defense

The Republic might just hang in the balance as any verdict might just come at America’s expense

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The Lying King

The Lying King smirked as he surveyed his kingdom. “A job well done,” he thought

The American people were once again played as fools as the lies he spouted they had bought

It has now gotten to the point the citizens will just roll their eyes whenever he lies

Unable to speak extemporaneously, he is reduced to reading word for word from a teleprompter with his tired old eyes

His treatment now is that of the demented old uncle who sits in the corner at family gatherings and wears a bib should he drool

He’s only sharp enough to parrot the demands of those pulling the strings as he continues to strip America of its character with his rule

In his campaign he hid in his basement only coming out with a promise to unite

What he did accomplish was to consolidate the hatred by all those non-white

His false sincerity was swallowed by those looking for government handouts hook, line and sinker

With a path of destruction highlighted by burned-out cities, daily shootings, and a completely demoralized police force, it didn’t take long for some to realize this man was not a deep thinker

His love affair with Ukraine and all that is connected is now in its third year

Yet the easily triggered believe what is written in daily bytes on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and to those unsourced dictums adhere

He killed the economy on day one by shutting down the gas industry as we once again depend on foreign oil

He threw the borders wide open for any international terrorist to set up camp on American soil

He stomped on women’s rights by rewriting Title IX as true females have now become the bench warmers on a women’s team

Claim to be a woman when you couldn’t cut it on a men’s team and now you may now live your dream

It really doesn’t matter what he does now. He’s ruined America with its debt for generations to come

Money comes as easy as printing more or so it seems to this bum

Just recently he stated a relative of his was eaten by cannibals when his plane crash-landed in New Guinea

Had it been Joe himself, the cannibals would have scrounged up a lizard or something as Joe’s head would have produced a diseased brain and his legs would have been too skinny

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Put On Those High Heeled Sneakers

“Girls we simply must do something,” stated Deb Les. “This new Title IX is stealing our thunder”

The group of drag queens were assembled at the pre-show table wondering if this administration had created yet another blunder

Looking around the group of partially made-up queens Deb Les asked almost rhetorically, “Any suggestions?”

All heads turned away as none of the six had an answer for any questions

Finally, Rhoda Big spoke. “You know with this new ruling we’re losing a great deal of drag queen shock”

“Normally we just had to turn on the lights and to our revue people would flock”

“Now the press has stopped coming and even our story time at the library has become a show for the same kids and moms”

“For the longest time no one has threatened us with beatings, shootings or bombs”

One could hear a pin drop after that statement as it was obvious the queens needed a plan

“We need something sooner than later,” said Sally Tight Pants. “Otherwise I’ll have to go back to just being a man”

“Oh my, yes dear,” piped up Holly Hot Pepper. “I’d hate the idea of nothing to look forward to after a hectic week of being a DMV clerk”

“And missing the roar of the crowd after ending my routine with a 30-second rapid fire twerk”

“Anyone can now walk into any locker room they want to watch a woman shower”

“It takes the jolt out of my routine by flashing a tiny bit of my flower”

“The mystery is gone when it’s open season on restrooms, locker rooms, and dressing rooms for anyone to see”

“People would stop coming or caring for that matter and this I guarantee”

“I wanted to get your thoughts about this situation with the new ruling,” said Deb Les. “Believe me when I say I don’t want to be remembered as only a fourth grade teacher”

“So what we’ll do is come up with an entirely new act with our athletic prowess being the main feature

“We’ll contact the other queens and form a basketball dunk league and to make it special the uniforms will be our own costumes”

“And the winners will receive a rhinestone tiara and specially colored ostrich plumes”

“Points will be awarded for speed, dance moves and dunking style”

“And at the end of the season a Grand Queen will be announced from the points they will compile”

“The sports betting companies will have to get involved with all the action”

Then television, action figures, and commercial endorsements should all fall into place to everyone’s satisfaction”

“So girls lets all go home and lace up those high heeled sneakers”

“And hear our name blasted through the arena’s twenty foot speakers”

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Killa Wafers

In the 1943 edition of Joy Of Cooking, Granny would have a followed the recipe should she desire some vanilla wafers for dessert

She would have donned her baking apron worn from years of use to protect her only Sunday skirt

She then assembled all her ingredients including sugar, vanilla, and egg and butter

She would have sifted the flour, added whole milk and beat the batter smooth. Then she would roll it flat and shape the cookies with a cutter

Pretty soon the aroma of baking vanilla wafers would be wafting through the house

A simple cookie baked in seven minutes with real ingredients and served with pride to guest, kids and spouse

Fast forward 80 years and forget about fooling around in a hot kitchen for simple cookies just buy a box of vanilla wafers at the store

Besides looking at today’s ingredients and having them on hand would be a near impossible chore

For that matter Granny could never bake with the ingredients listed on the side of the box

As most of the ingredients listed sound like refugees from a chemistry class and if not measured properly would probably choke an ox

Granny would become very frustrated trying to add thiamine mononitrate to her batter

And knowing full well that using high fructose corn syrup would only make Gramps a little fatter

And don’t get Granny started on natural and artificial flavors. “What is it?” she snapped angrily causing her false teeth to click
“Vanilla is the main flavor and its not even listed,” she advised. “This gunk would make you very sick.”

“Sorry, I’m not eating anything that says contains mono and diglycerides.” I guess they figure no one will read this list.”

The grandchildren would have already scattered as they could tell by her red face and the tone of her voice she was pissed

Someone should have told Granny before she passed away at 93 that food is better today through modern chemistry and mass production

However after cleaning her grand kid’s backpack and finding a three-year-old store bought vanilla wafer looking like it just came out of the box, she’d have known better by deduction

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Ignoring the Big Green Tsunami

Recently one of the hostesses of a certain talk show blamed climate change for an earthquake and the eclipse

And according to the plastic water bottle toting activists climate change will be the reason we all will cash in our chips

So let’s look at some of the root causes of climate change the current administration wants us to believe

The many indignant “expert” faces that are constantly surrounded by the adoring main stream media would never try to deceive

They fly in their private jets and are motored around in their gas guzzling SUVs to enforce their lectures about us traveling too much and burning too much gas

Always keep in mind what is being touted by these fine folks in DC is not being practiced by themselves but passed on to you being citizens third class

The causes of climate change are many. First and foremost would be the covid pandemic spread by too many people flying around the globe

Ineffective vaccines, masks, social distancing, and lock downs were all enforced as panic set in caused by a US funded microbe

When this virus was found to be more of a hoax than a plague, the supply chain became the next climate change victim

Simply put due to the ridiculous lock downs the supply of goods couldn’t meet the demand in the distribution system

With gas prices soaring, rail and truck lines couldn’t raise their rates fast enough to stay in the black

Taking advantage of the supply mayhem, food, pharmaceutical, and housing were all raking in untold profits but leaving the US workers feeling like they’d been stabbed in the back

Meanwhile, the brain-washed continue to wave their climate change banners with the mindless idea they are actually achieving something good

Never have so many been sucked into a total lie they never understood

Follow the money. The dollars generated all go to lining the pockets of congress by funding the great war machine

Where did the money come from to pay Ukraine, aid for Israel and Gaza relief, and to house eight million untrained and unvetted migrants? From you under the guise of keeping America clean and green

Desperately needing more money, ie votes, Biden will once again turn to minorities, college loan debtors, and women

The same democratic plea for the last 60 years, and it works time and time again

So the next occasion when you’re standing in the grocery checkout line with five items that will eat up the better part of forty dollars

And you feel Biden’s fingers in your pocket looking for either spare change or his jollies be sure to squeeze them until he hollers

The big green wave with its e-cars and not so eco-friendly windmills is currently encroaching on the US shoreline

But will have to interrupt the reality TV shows before anyone begins to whine

The Day The Easter Bunny Wore Rhinestone Mules

The Easter Bunny woke up excited. Today was going to be special because for once he gets to dress in drag

It seems that forever he’d been locked into the same routine of distributing candy one basket at a time out of his giant bag

The once-a-year ritual of doling out the hollow chocolate rabbits, the foul tasting creme filled eggs, and those miserable marshmallow chicks had left him feeling depressed

The only thing keeping him sane was the under the table payoff from a couple of dentist associations that applauded all the sugar the tykes ingest

Though revered, he was always treated as an after-thought as it was the sweets that really mattered

Wearing the same frayed topcoats with the usual pink or blue choices in a shape that never flattered

But this year was special per the announcement from the White House, he could finally dress up and be visible

Biden made a special point to say no religious symbols were permissible as he felt that with the usual ballot stuffing his campaign was winnable

Laughing to himself at this good fortune the Bunny pulled his go-to wardrobe from the closet with the rhinestone mules and the feathered boa

These are the special clothes he wears out when he performs at drag parties under the stage name of Bunny Balboa

With his blue wig firmly attached between his ears and his satin zebra striped top

He’d show the kids a thing or two when he broke out his dance moves doing the bunny hop

He gave an approving look as he peered in the mirror squinting through his sequined cat eye glasses

He’ll be the hit of the egg hunt in this costume as he will have hundreds of photo ops with the adolescent masses

So off he goes first to the Easter Parade to strut down Fifth Avenue. And to think people used to brag about just an Easter bonnet with all the frills upon it

When he can sizzle in a dazzling Easter outfit with a lot of leg showing from his dress with the thigh high split

Then on to the egg hunt carrying the basket filled with treats on a nest of plastic green grass

And maybe get a selfie with the President himself surrounded by all the other woke characters he continues to amass

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Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore

The Fed-X driver approached the door with the familiar white envelope and rang the bell

Seeing the curtains move he waved the envelope at the window, so he wouldn’t have to yell

When no one answered the door he decided to knock

His package was a guaranteed delivery so someone had to sign for the doc

“Just leave it by the door,” said a voice from within

“I have a package for Alice Jones,” said the delivery man. “And someone needs to sign,” as this little game was wearing thin

“Alice doesn’t live here anymore,” said the voice from the other side of the door

“Do you know where she moved?” asked the delivery man. “She’s always signed before”

He waited for an answer but none came. Finally, tucking the envelope under his arm, he checked his watch and left

He had a schedule to keep and since no one would sign he wouldn’t just leave the document for a porch pirate theft

The place didn’t look right to the driver. The usually immaculate lawn had two untagged cars parked on the grass

And Alice herself was always there, well-dressed and presented herself with class

The heavily accented voice that talked through the door seemed out of place

And it seemed odd that the person refused to show their face

Alice was actually away attending to her sister who had fallen ill

Tipped off by garbage collector the house was empty, a homeless group had moved in leaving Alice to foot the bill

The law states that tenants have rights and without due process cannot be forcibly removed

So now the fact the current tenants do not have a right to be there has to be proved

Meaning Alice is on the hook for court costs and slow moving paperwork while the new residents steal and trash the place

Plus the owner is on the hook for utility bills and rent as laws state the landlord cannot just turn the power off in an effort to free up the space

It’s time to immediately fix the rules. The fact this current administration turns its back on its own citizens is hard to ignore

Of course the elites don’t care but in middle America suddenly the squatters have all the rights and Alice doesn’t live here anymore

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When One Becomes Devoid Of Thought

Recently a TikTok video surfaced showing Moms cracking eggs on their toddlers foreheads

Causing a confused pained look of not understanding on the toddler’s face trying to blink back the tears she sheds

The moms in the video laugh hysterically at this moment, mugging for the camera they had carefully placed

So they could have a moment of pathetic fame in a video of abusing a trusting child done in extremely bad taste

The real question is why has the world become a place where children have become the object of jokes, derision and sexual urges

Has the internet become a place for the depraved thoughts of formerly closeted perverts to emerge evidenced as the crimes against kids surges

Cracking eggs on a moppet’s head may seem mild but is this just the start? What if the next trend calls for something more drastic

Where is the line drawn? Maybe sticking the child’s head in a toilet bowl is trending and that idea seems fantastic

For a parent to devalue their kids this way should be considered a misdemeanor criminal act

The need to be filmed at the expense of your child’s well-being is a thoughtless act even if it is just one egg cracked

Children need to know their parents believe in them and are someone they can trust

And not be considered a burden, a welfare check, and treated with disgust

It’s a tough world to be kid. Everyday stories about juveniles in trafficking and crimes lead the headline news

The current crop of children exposed to this daily information are biding their time, having to put up with parents who feel children are theirs to abuse

And in a few short years these confused kids will have kids of their own

Idiocy breeds idiocy as these formerly abused kids now have their own to torture as that is all they have ever known

Social media has become an addictive sickness that lures the mindless with its digital candy

As cruelty, harmful pranks, and violence are videoed everyday in an attempt to make it seem just dandy

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It Used to be just the Girl’s Gym Teacher

Back in the day teachers were respected. They were mini-pillars of society

They had mastered the look that would stop a sixth grader in their tracks for any perceived inpropriety

Conservatively dressed with clunky heels and glasses on a chain dangling from their neck

With a raised eyebrow suggesting that the answer on that last problem, you may want to double-check

This applied to all subjects until middle school’s first day of class and all were in the gym sitting on a bleacher

When a whistle shrieked through the cacophony of noise and there stood the girl’s PE teacher

Standing a stout five-foot six, wearing no wedding ring and a manner that said you’ll play field hockey and like it

But first you have to buy those ridiculous onesie gym uniforms that never seem to fit

Under her watchful eye the girls all marched into their locker room to change and then hone up on their volleyball skills

And beginning to understand those whispered rumors that at night between the sheets it wasn’t a man that gave her thrills

But that was then and this is now. Schools have lost their vision of education first

Teachers have evolved into a group that collectively practice active shooter drills should worst come to worst

Students are no longer disciplined for chewing gum and running in the halls

They are now trying to survive the daily stress of learning, forming relationships and avoiding racial brawls

Athletes are worshiped beyond belief and the pressure to put out on demand is never ending

Young women who long ago gave up on the Disney Princess idea are now looking to achieve love with whatever is trending

Enter the new breed of teacher who just might be enlisting kids into their new Everyone is Welcome Club

Open to all students who are tired of fighting off handsey boys, with adolescent longings in need of a friend, and the ones who are truly bothered by the in-crowd snub

Pamphlets are available and written to say a student has a right to question their identity

Rejecting the ideals of their parents and having someone new and exciting to focus on their needs is the clubs offered amenity

School hiring practices are now open to newcomers with no experience, look different and have no felony criminal record

The school board, smug with their new-found power bow to the union’s ultimatums and how the achievement tests were scored

So the lonely kids are easy prey to the alternate lifestyle activists when all they’re really looking for is understanding

Will soon become confused voices in the turbulence of society shouting the requirements their new-found genders will be demanding

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