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An Observer of Life in Bad Poetry

Commentary on Daily Life, Politics and Sports

Category

humor, political, sports

humorous look at politics and sports

In Remembrance Of Ma Bell

There was an old lady that lived in a shoe

She controlled the phone company and there was nothing anyone could do

She ruled with an iron fist, she owned the land lines, the rates and most of the the phones

She alone decided what you’d pay to use her phones and there was no choice in dial tones

She made you pay for party lines, more for private lines and way more for a long distance call

She owned the yellow pages and their crazy rates for a ¼ page, she owned it all

Before social media came to be, you needed Ma Bell to “reach out and touch someone”

But momentum started to change and this monopoly was broken into Baby Bells and all thought Ma Bell was done

“Monopolies are bad” screamed the public and lawmakers in DC

“From businesses that control us and our interests we must be free”

The Sherman Antitrust Act introduced in 1890 was an attempt to stop an industry from controlling all free thought and trade

Then in 1914 Congress passed the Clayton Antitrust Act and formed the Federal Trade Commission to see the ruling against monopolies must be obeyed

Fast Forward 97 years and new monopolies are formed and band together to control what is now all digital communication

Twitter, Apple, Google and Amazon formed the super oligopoly showing contempt for the law with no limit to their overbearing deprivation

So you may wonder what happened to free thought and speech when it is gone

Blame it on now Grandma Bell, her children may not have made a ripple but her grandchildren are evil spawn

It Didn’t Take Long

Everyone knew it was coming, that pesky Constitution and those annoying Amendments needed to go away

Those seventy four MILLION citizens that voted against their rights being stripped from them need to pay

The far left vision of government control has always worked so well in Venezuela, Cuba and North Korea

Yet here they are, the unmotivated, the Tik Tok dancers and the socialist educated youth all enamored with the idea

The people that believed in individual freedom had lost and it was time to attack the rules of the land

The Constitution and it’s Amendments need to be demolished and the new Congress had that all planned

The surprising aspect to this onslaught was how fast it transpired

The President elect was still two weeks from office when a coven of Tech giants in the first amendment ‘s demise had conspired

The first amendment’s destruction sure didn’t take long and if working in numerical order next will come the right to bear arms

This new country needs it’s citizens defenseless, standing up for your freedom can cause the left’s rampant march harm

It’s easy to to patrol the streets and round up unarmed defenseless dissenters before sending them to 2021’s version of a concentration camp

The Nazi party should not become a constable of public opinion but must dominate it. It must not become a servant of the masses but their master.” says a quote from Hitler’s Mein Kampf

Protection from unreasonable searches and seizures as advised in Amendment IV is going by the wayside

When online communication is controlled by fawning toadies in private companies who feel only they can decide

The FBI will be moved to the forefront in search and seizures as over the recent past this pack of lackeys has demonstrated how honorable they are

Compromise will not happen and pushback seems inevitable, as my way or the highway will make life in the new America quite bizarre

So America you have a ringside seat to watch what happens when fanatics are given total control

You truly will be bystanders to the formation of a dictatorship that will first steal your rights and then come for your soul

The Chick Kick

the chick kick

The Vanderbilt football team was struggling through a winless season

Covid cancellations, players opting out and a very tough schedule were the given reasons

Socially distanced fans were keeping their distance by staying miles away

To keep the team relevant a soccer player from the women’s team was brought in creating a feminist red letter day

The teams regular kicker had tested positive and was on virus restrictions

Adding a woman to the team could generate interest and boost contributions a cure all prescription

Praising the move as bold, celebrities and sports networks lined up to sing their praises

But does this really provide equality on the the field is a question this move raises

Sure it was was a touchstone moment created watching a point after a touchdown sail through the goal posts

But in reality women’s sports shouldn’t be raising their glasses in too many unbridled toasts

This appears to open the door for the elimination of women’s’ sports as we know it today

The original idea of Title IX will be steamrolled and become passe

It’s been years since jokes were heard about Russian women competing with their low hanging widget

Swearing to all that would listen in the Olympic world they were 100% female and were legit

But now all that is off the table as equality has to work both ways

Because women, women born men and men can now take their place on the women’s dais

A guy looking for a free ride can take his low handicap even lower by hitting from the red tees

He can charge through the field in women’s golf tournaments and win in a breeze

Pick a sport and all genders can compete for a roster spot on the same team

The idea that genders can compete only against other like genders might just be a vanishing dream

The door has been opened for true gender equality and women’s’ sports will be redefined

As it may have been two points for the Vanderbilt football team but a giant leap backwards for all of mankind

Here Chumps Have Some Crumbs

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone

When she got there the cupboard was bare as Nancy Pelosi hadn’t blessed the old lady from her throne

You see Congress had a shot at loading up a bill written on the backs of working Americans with their own pork

It was an opportunity to cram the “stimulus” bill with their vested interests, do some back slapping and pop the cork

Congress then can sound the trumpets and shout triumphantly about what they accomplished for the taxpayers

You’re not supposed to notice they have spent the last year doing their utmost to quash the citizens’ hopes and dreams as politicized naysayers

So they sent a bill to the floor that took a guy with a hand truck to deliver

The bill was 5,593 pages long with expected approval in a measly six hours to continue to sell Americans down the river

Both Senators and Representatives were expected to know what was in this pork package in a very short period of time

After watching clips on television from the various dim witted representatives for them to say they read the entire package would be a lying crime

And by the way The House did remember it’s electorate after locking them down for ten months with fabricated stories that the sky is falling

With a big $600 stimulus check to spend any way one wants on such luxuries as food, heat or lights but that is not what is really galling

The downtrodden are supposed to take solace in knowing the bill does provide millions in relief for Cambodia, Burma and Nepal

Sure it seem like a slap in the face, but to quote Pink Floyd “It’s Just Another Brick In The Wall”

And just maybe with 25 million earmarked for the Kennedy Center, Pelosi could be bestowed with Honors while the rest of America has cut expenses to the bone

As business owners are struggling to keep their doors open, food banks are empty and the elderly are dying alone

The free spending list goes on with such goodies as ten million awarded for Pakistani Gender Studies of all things

An easy way to solve this dilemma to to peek under the partung to see if the body part is stationary or if it swings

The money grab continues as the Smithsonian is to be tossed a billion and funds are set aside for the Dalai Lama

While Americans suffer both sides of the aisle are immovable in their demands all adding to the drama

There is no limit to the vile corruption, payola and collusion of an elected official

So when that official looks into the camera and states they’re turning Heaven and earth for you, remember that smile is painted on and completely artificial

The Masked Manger Scene

The rain splattered off the heads of the reindeer and the lighted plastic Santa
It was the time of the year when the faded decorations were pulled from storage as part of seasonal Americana

The Black Friday sales started in August as online shopping was recommended
Percentage discounts were offered for a minimum purchase and free shipping was extended

The Sears toy catalog wish book and layaway had become memories of yuletide past
The throngs of mall shoppers and walking through a mist of perfume in department stores were remembrances that were disappearing fast

Cards had become a well wishes greeting that could have easily been sent in June
And if one signs up for a charged monthly app the kids can watch a yearly Christmas cartoon

Christmas parties are frowned upon and are restricted to a gathering of ten
More than five cars in the driveway can create a knock on the door from the pandemic lawmen

Mistletoe kisses are thrown from across the room providing not too much air is moved
And eggnog is presented in single serve cups that are CDC approved

Finally the living Nativity scene has all the participants masked
Including the animals wearing modified muzzles in case anyone asked

The fact that joy is being squeezed out of the season by hysterical naysayers is a disgrace
But even the arbitrary restrictions vanish when one sees on Christmas morn the wonder in a toddler’s eyes and the delight on her face

Forgive Us Our Debts As We Voted Democratic

The line had formed in mid January, the numerous MBA’s were waiting for the government dole
They had signed up for student loans now due and cancellation of their obligation was their goal

The new President was being coerced into eliminating the loans with the wave of his new wand
Leaving the lending institutions to eat those funds owed and previous debtors feeling conned

“It’s great for the economy,” preached the newly empowered left leaning lawmakers
“That’ll be an extra 200 or 300 dollars a month and help turn those degree holders into movers and shakers”

They now will be able to trade in their old minivan and park that new BMW in their driveway
Just like winning the lottery their next 10 years of debt will be forgiven and the current balance they won’t have to repay

This debt cancellation will help the future elitists but do nothing to help the struggling working class
They’re the ones worried about working two jobs, the price of daycare and the next tank of gas

Who’s gonna cancel their debt? Perhaps congress can cancel the next ten years of monthly rent
That would put more bucks in their pocket rather than receiving a paycheck with half of it owed and already spent

It seems a good way to stifle an economy is to eliminate all obligation
Entrepreneurship and determination can easily be replaced by new legislation

The dreams of starting and running your your own business will vanish when sitting in front of the institution lender
Because that bank official understands that if things get tough that client only has to give up and surrender

The grit and hard work that formed small town America when Hershey bars were a nickel
Will go the way of the Pledge of Allegiance unless you happen to be saluting the hammer and sickle

Every Time A Bell Rings

The hot chocolate had been served and the Christmas carols were in full swing

The blabber mouth parrot had already stated for the fortieth time that “every time a bell rings an angel gets her wings”

A muffled knock on the door caused all the heads to look up simultaneously

“Ask for the password” said two of the party spontaneously

“Password?” asked the host shushing his guests with his ear against the door

“Clarence” came the whispered reply barely audible so the neighbors wouldn’t hear and the party be done for

“Were you followed?” asked the host peering through the blackout curtains to the empty street

“No” said the guest. “I backtracked to make sure I wasn’t followed. I was very discrete”

“I parked down the block and used a holly branch to cover my tracks in the snow”

“And then crawled along the fence so I wouldn’t be seen and no one would know”

“Every time the door bell rings we think we’re getting caught in a government sting,” said the parrot from his perch

Always fearing the worst the host glared at the bird paranoid this gathering would leave him in a lurch

The good hearted Bedford Falls policeman had been replaced by a tattooed social worker always in a bad mood

If caught with a gathering more than five large fines and community service were doled out with no arguing as you were positively screwed

Whatever happened to “Remember no man is a failure as long as he has friends”

It seems this phrase has been replaced by “A man can have friends as long as he pays the price for the rules he bends”

The party started up again in a more relaxed mood enjoying Uncle Billy quietly tickling the piano keys

Happy in the warmth and fellowship, savoring the carefully prepacked buffet and for once not worrying about the heavily politicized disease

The bird had been strangely quiet but the host was sure it wouldn’t last long

He didn’t realize that when he taught the parrot “the bell” slogan he would be so wrong

The laughter and smiles continued as all in the party were enjoying themselves

Relishing the glow from the punch and telling ribald stories about the elves on the shelves

When all at once the party groaned and then cheered as the parrot screeched from his swing

“Every time a bell rings, WHOA! WAIT! Who let the cat in?”

Get That Damn Turkey Outta Here

The noise from the barn yard continued as this swaggering bird was not going quietly into the night

He was fighting every request to concede and be cooked because that is his right

This bird had a hard few years, abused by a large drove before finally being cornered and plucked

His many attempts at barnyard growth were pushed aside by swine whose sole purpose was to obstruct

The hogs only concerned themselves with being first at the trough

“No one else mattered except us elite pigs,” they would scoff

“This turkey wandered into our private feed lot and tried to make life easier for the working class animals”

Once proud to pull their weight the livestock had been reduced to peering through the fence panels

This porcine group had no use for this self proclaimed cock of the walk

”He’s a buffoon, not one of us,” But the livestock followed and that caused a shock

Old videos were circulated about this bird chasing other hens

“His constant crowing is disturbing and from our yard we must cleanse”

“He’s a deplorable and a misogynist.” Claimed one of the loudest and still bitter sow

Failing to realize that the rest of the farm knew she should have hoed her own row

“He’s xenophobic,” called the elitists peering from the loft filled with sweet green hay

The bird was only saying when rats are allowed to invade the barn there aren’t enough enforcement cats to keep them at bay

Now using the current spread of hoof and mouth disease the elite swine blamed it all on this bombastic bird

Hiding behind the murky updates from Snow White and the dwarf they forced their propaganda on the herd

So it’s come to this, the turkey had lost his fight and was to be served on a platter

The proud barnyard livestock will once again be tossed scraps while the big pigs only get fatter

Battleground States: The Must Have Christmas Board Game

Feeling left out that you didn’t get to participate by voting multiple times in in a Battleground State?

Think about how much better you’ll feel when under the tree is the brand new board game that gives you the opportunity for an election system to desecrate

This game is designed to give the players the thrilling feeling of rigging an election

The directions are easy, anyone can play and cheating is encouraged as there will be no neutral inspection

Any number of players can play and each is dealt ten illegal ballots and one software glitch

Also a stack of cards are placed upside down in the center of the board to help the chosen candidate’s election go without a hitch

These cards are to be drawn every time the opposing candidate’s numbers begin to surge

For instance one card gives the media favored candidate the right for an opposition ballot purge

Another card changes the long standing rule when mail in ballots may be received

This is called a super card that virtually guarantees victory as the player drawing this can ignore state legislatures and set his own rules leaving the opposition feeling deceived

Other cards include poll workers being able to trash ballots, postal workers authorized to back date ballots and of course a list of citizens long since dead

Imagine the joy on the face of your great great great grandfather when into the ballot box his name is fed

Oh yes, the fun goes on non-stop until someone draws the card that says the news media can call a winner

Also included is a template so you can produce as many ballots as needed on your own printer

So why miss out on the fun? Put this game on your Christmas list

Because now it’s only a matter of time before Christmas will be ordered to cease and desist.

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