The creased and dog-eared copy of How To Be President rested in the basket beside the White House commode

The very slim booklet was there for the Commander in Chief to read at his leisure when the applesauce flowed

The booklet was less than forty pages with a large font and many pages had been accentuated with a yellow highlighter

For instance a passage on passing gas at a state dinner was advising trying to hold on and squeeze the buttocks a little tighter

On the contrary, letting one rip and placing a thumb on the forehead and pointing at the visiting foreign dignitary is frowned upon

Chapter three deals with the press and the behaviour of your offspring especially when one turns out to be your evil spawn

The book states to express admiration in your child’s intelligence, deny any association with his wrong doing and ignore him when featured in pornography on his laptop

Have your accountants hide the stream of foreign bribes into your offshore accounts and shell companies while you continue to harvest the cash crop

Chapter five is completely marked in yellow explaining how to handle America’s sudden turn for the worse

It emphasizes blaming all failures on your bombastic buffoon predecessor and if pressed by questions from the media simply sneer and fail to converse

The final chapter deals with a pathway to retirement without any guilt

It reads that after emptying the Treasury to fund your foreign puppet bag man, draining all the countries’ gas reserves, and killing any optimism of the American citizens, simply walk away with no crying over any blood you have spilt