As the Olympics are winding down there are some medals that may have been overlooked

It seems Paris needed to create some new medals for all the squatters and immigrants the city ran out of the area because they were overbooked

So the city fashioned a medal for each of the unfortunates to treasure while they were forced to live on the streets

And made sure the cameras didn’t see them, ruining the view from the visiting elites

There was also a new medal for the fastest assembly of the new cardboard beds

The gold would go to the athlete with the best time combined with the best use of the Olympic themed spreads

Most of the Olympic Village guests were disqualified as they used the spread for a window covering since there were no curtains offering no time for privacy and solitude

Giving the athletes scarcely any alone time to adjust their game-time attitude

There was also a little known medal called the cafeteria race given to the winner in the form of the lone piece of meat

It seems the person in charge of food service figured the participants existed on brocolli and bean sprouts as the only fuel needed to compete

Finally, the last unknown medal was handed to marathoners who braved the waters of the river Seine

These medals were for bravery as the questionable water quality was checked daily for e-coli so the swimmers didn’t spend three days shooting antibiotics doubled up in pain

There were plenty of highlights from the games. The opening ceremony featured a woke version of the Last Supper painting

The depiction horrified a lot of America and had little old ladies fainting

The women’s gymnastics team dubbed the Golden Girls summoned up the gold led by Simone Biles

All activity stops while she is on the floor, the routine finishes, she sticks the landing and smiles

At the Olympics in 2052 the crowd will cheer when Katie Ledecky uses a rollator to get to her starting blocks

And then swims to four more medals while she blows her competitors out of their socks

When the US mens gymnastic team needed a flawless performance to medal they called on Stephen Nedoroscik

Putting down his glasses and hopping on the pommel horse with a perfect routine scoring high enough to do the trick

Other highlights include the Turkish air pistol shooter winning silver looking like he just stepped out of the audience and said “hold my beer”

Anthony Ammirati from France giving a new meaning to the term pole vault showing that except for a suddenly conspicuous bulge he might have been able to clear

And so it goes an evening of tape delay video filled with commercials that in no way will enhance your fitness

But as the champions emerge you can sit in your easy chair and claim to be a virtual witness