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Why has the NFL become so Lame?

For the last ten weeks the talking heads have babbled on about which team would reach the playoffs

Six or seven old players and coaches assembled every Sunday morning to analyze the matchups and to every statement made another commentator scoffs

As if the world depended on whether a 6-8 team has a chance and what things have to happen for this to fall right

Maybe their expertise allows them to realize most games scheduled are potential stinkers and to stir controversy will get the viewers to tune in tonight

Finally, after long season of increasingly bad officiating and very mediocre coaching schemes, the playoffs were decided

The season’s games had been filled with multiple three and outs, over the hill quarterbacks, and coaches that couldn’t win with what the front office provided

So the wildcard weekend kicked off to separate the have nots from the truly inept

The games showed the glaring deficiencies in several teams, players, and owners as the season long pretenders weren’t going to win no matter how much they prepped

“Ah,” said the talking heads. “Now comes the real show. The cream always rises”

“No more of the teams that lived off the luck of strange time zone scheduling and questionable call surprises”

The combined power of the talking heads spent hours assuring viewers the upcoming games would be truly epic

To reinforce the idea the networks ran old clips of previous playoff spectacular moments to convince the most jaded skeptic

Eight teams were left, the best of the best. The fans filled the stadiums and viewers arranged their day around the broadcast

In the end four teams remained from the divisional round in which for five of these super teams’ offenses, a score of twenty points was not surpassed

Were the defenses that good played by chest pounding potential free agent multi-millionaires?

The truth is, no one over forty would ever confuse today’s product with the Steel Curtain or Da Bears

Throw in multiple official reviews when everyone watching knew if the original call was correct, five minute commercial breaks, and inane patter from the broadcast team

And the most suspense in one very boring contest was, due to kicking woes, would the coach change horses in midstream

The Championship games will be played with the three top quarterbacks in the league while the rest of the teams will have the offseason to wallow in their futility

As the pompous team owners scream they’ll be back while suffering from illusions of grandeur and advancing senility

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A Movie, A Concession Stand, and a Brinks Truck

The weather forecast once again was calling for no relief from the current heat wave

And the local Bijou is showing the summer blockbuster movie featuring a star who’s always been a fave

The film had been released four weeks ago so the lines to get in have dwindled

Figuring we could catch the first showing at reduced ticket prices, we wouldn’t feel swindled

So to speed up the ticket process we decided to purchase on-line, so we could breeze right in to our seat

Swallowing hard when the ticket prices showed up in the click to buy box the afternoon reduced price was way more when it was printed on the receipt

Checking back on the fine print, the amount charged was an add-on for a processing and handling fee

It seems a surcharge of four fifty was considered a small price to pay to get into a movie hassle-free

But this was early afternoon and an escape from the heat with an enjoyable film seemed like winner

Slowly advancing to the pick up ticket window as the the old folks shuffle was in full swing, they too were figuring on a movie and an early bird dinner

So we took our place behind three blue-hairs who spent the next ten minutes looking through old Kleenexes, pill boxes, and breath mints for exact change

While the seductive smell of fresh popcorn wafted over everyone standing downrange

It was at this point where we realized a Brinks truck was necessary if we needed popcorn and a drink to enjoy the showing

The best value deal on the menu board consisted of a reusable five gallon bucket of popcorn and a half gallon of soda to keep the type II diabetes growing and the bladder flowing

All for $49.95 with free refills and if one brings the bucket back to a future showing your popcorn will only be two bucks

So a lesson was learned, it would be cheaper to have a early lunch at a four star restaurant before the movie and you won’t have to buy your snacks with sacks of money protected by armed guards from the Brinks trucks

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Mickey Has Lost His Dickey

Walt was a cartoonist with a vision. He created Minnie as a life long partner to be in love with Mickey

But that was years ago. Now the employees of this empire feel empowered to tell parents how to raise their children hiding behind camouflage of everything Disney and that is really sickey

Recently the taped greeting at The Magic Kingdom has been changed from welcoming boys and girls to just welcoming friends

It seems that in the true sense of the words, boys and girls are now passe’ and the neutral gender world now transcends

Fearful that excited starry eyed kids looking for the Disney experience might just have their entire vacation ruined by being referred to as a girl or a boy

The idea that a child might enjoy being a kid without input from a woke adult is a concept Disney is out to destroy

Always keep in mind that Disney sings the praises of a genderless world so all people can live in the bubble of angry gender neutrality

All the while hiding behind costumes of smiling characters in the hypocritical name of congeniality

Florida recently passed a law stating that educators cannot discuss gender identity with kids aged five to eight.

Still struggling with primary reading and writing, kindergarten through third grade doesn’t seem like a reach before teaching a kid their own identity to hate

But Disney employees reacted like the end of the world was near, as they alone should have control of a child’s id

Get ’em while they’re young, thoroughly confuse the tykes, force feed them identity politics through entertainment venues and before long turn out another confused and frustrated kid

Looks like Mickey is going to have to dump Minnie as heterosexual relationships are now frowned upon

The Disney employees might consider themselves warriors for a just cause but in the case of the bottom line that conclusion is not forgone

Biting the hand that feeds them isn’t a solid policy when the turnstiles slow and the crowds begin to thin

The color green is what drives this business and in spite of a very self-serving attitude, let the profits plummet and this is another cause the left might just not win

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If You Believe It Then You Done Been Gaslighted

Back in the day under the evening streetlights chasing moths and tag were fun games to play

This was before the games of today that have evolved into drive by shootings, car jackings and running from pepper spray

Kids played with other neighborhood kids because that is what one did

Now the new norm is a kid has to pass muster according to a new set of rules and if not fun is not allowed God forbid

It appears the last two generations of parents have fallen for the social media trap of gaslighting

According to new schools of thought it’s not okay to voluntarily form friendships based on personality, they must be initially approved or sparks will be igniting

Social media has assumed the lofty perch of supreme ruler and they alone can approve, intimidate, badger, shame, dox or slander at will

Find a person that doesn’t toe the line, speaks their mind, or bow to some pompous tyrant and social media closes in for the kill

The term gaslighting originated from a British stage play and a film starring the scheming Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman as the new bride and her foray into near insanity

Footsteps in the dark, missing pictures, and gaslights dimming were all orchestrated by Boyer’s greed and toxicity

Fast forward from 1944 and social media has become the new poisonous Gaslight featured actor

Differ in thought or speech and the wrath of social media will be unleashed as you would be considered a socialist detractor

Wheather it’s the mainstream news, social media, or instiution, pick one pick all they’re coming for your independence

So put down your phone, close that laptop, and turn off the boob tube before you find yourself meekly answering “here” advising the leftist government you’re in attendance

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Same Song Stranger Times

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Though these songs recorded years ago have withstood the test of time

A pandemic of epic proportion can change the meaning of the title on a dime

These songs weren’t written with a global virus in mind

But the title and today’s current conditions can now become entwined

When Ol’ Blue Eyes sang about “Strangers In The Night”

He wasn’t singing about masked neighbors keeping their distance on a sidewalk to be polite

And George The Possum Jones’ country hit “All My Friends Are Strangers”

He wasn’t advising that human contact could be a danger

Social distancing with Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton has come into play

”Distant Strangers” is now sound advice to not become virus prey

Social media is helpful in this abruptly perilous time

Barbara Lewis’ “Hello Stranger” is a greeting to combat any closeness crime

“Company Of Strangers” by Bad Company could be appropriate for the left coast

As California released prisoners to roam the streets looking for someone to be their host

Most of the American public can agree on “Strangers In A Strange Land” by Leon Russell

As the streets are empty, restaurants closed and no sound of city noise and bustle

Finally Billy Joel released The Stranger his critically acclaimed record

Because we Americans are suddenly strangers the album title strikes a dismal chord

Also included in the disc is the sadly prophetic track “Only The Good Die Young”

Unfortunately in today’s world this could become a funeral dirge by the way it’s sung

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Meghan’s Tupperware Party

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Welcome to my house, my name is Meghan and I’m new to this neighborhood

I thought this Tupperware party might be a good way to meet everyone like a new resident should

I appreciate y’all parking around the U-Haul trailer and stepping over the string attached to the garden hose post

As the queen of this new house, today I’ll be serving as your host

We’re a small family and are really trying to adjust to the area

We yearn to live the quiet life away from all the hysteria

So please make yourself as comfortable as you can. The furniture just arrived from No Credit Rental

As soon as we can swing it, I’ll bring in newer furnishings so please don’t be too judgmental

I hope you brought your check book because I have some exciting items to show you

They’ll make your life easier in a lot of every day tasks you need to do

The first piece I’d like to show you is this heart shaped baking dish I use for Harry’s kidney pie

Presenting your partner with heart shaped food might just turn you into his “special” pie in the sky

Next I’d like to show you this handy divided dish that Harry uses for his fish and chips

Since his new job is an Uber driver, he has to eat on the run to not miss any tips

Finally I’d like to show this wonderful new casserole pan perfect for my recipe of bubble and squeak

I think my secret ingredients make it better, and there’s no in law here to critique

So feel free to look my samples over and thumb through the handy fliers

Hopefully that should turn you into happy neighbors and satisfied buyers

And as you leave, I’ll ask you again to be careful stepping over the string attached to the post for the garden hose

It leads all the way to Harry and is tied to the ring I have in his nose

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Did Hollywood Sanction White Privilege

Growing up in the fifties movies and television influenced impressionable minds

The images flickering across the screens produced ties that binds

Before Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, television was that era’s social media

If information was needed a phone wasn’t in play just the cumbersome encyclopedia

The politically correct industry has preached emphatically about white entitlement

The media railed against this unthinking concession with vile resentment

Social media, aspiring candidates, and celebrities decry this birthright

However, these same groups promoted this concept to keep all things white

As kids we sat in front of the black and white console clad in our Mickey Mouse ears

And watched the white t-shirted white kids sing and dance as Mousketeers

The whiteness of this group wasn’t an issue as we kids were all fans

However the brightness coming through the picture tube made us all wish for Ray Bans

Cartoon characters drawn in black were sassy cats, crows, or an agitated duck

If you were looking for a black role model you were out of luck

Amos and Andy, Tarzan’s natives and Our Gang’s Little Rascals with Buckwheat

Were stereotyped caricatures and all part of Hollywood’s quiet deceit

The entertainment industry grew a conscience after discovering a third color of green

It just may not be pure poison to show a person of color on the silver screen

American Bandstand showed bands playing both pop music and soul tunes

One realized all people could enjoy music and dance on Saturday afternoons

Weekly shows demonstrated that blacks and whites could interact

Networks added black people cast in recurring roles that had an impact

Star Trek’s Uhura, Mannix’s Peggy, and Julia all had starring roles

Give Mission Impossible’s Barney wire and a battery, he could sabotage bad guys’ controls

The pre-cable/satellite network industry flourished in the next couple of decades

However detective shows and wealthy elite sagas were best viewed through shades

Shows of color seemed to morph into thirty minute comedies of kids cracking wise

Creating a real life classroom situation that teachers grew to despise

Finally networks and movies began to show leadership roles in a different light

Corporate boardrooms seeing a depleting viewership realized all stars need not be white

Diversity became the collective buzzword to keep their investors in tow

One wouldn’t want any bad publicity leaking to the press to damage their profitable show

Politically correct agendas were trumpeted by those stepping from around the corner

Award shows became bully pulpits for high profile celebrities ranting in mock horror

Public Broadcasting lectured all with a haughty attitude preening for their pretentious fans

While watching the British comedies, Downton Abbey and Poldark through their Ray Bans

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Want Ad Translator

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It was Sunday, the paper’s heavy and the Classified section thick

Bills  are due, employment was needed and not a lot of room to cherry pick

Some new employment want ads might be a possible opportunity

A new posting even shows a job hiring in a nearby community

Closer inspection reveals the job description might need translation

Years of experience helped peruse the ads to avoid future frustration

Certain phrases hoist the red flags and should be discussed during the interview

Notices always promises stability, excellent conditions and part of a progressive crew

However what is written and real life might be the difference of night and day

A  quick look at some of the phrases might eliminate frustration and paycheck dismay

Fast Paced Environment: Meaning you’re in over your head from day one

As we have no training program you’ll work slavishly until deciding cut and run

Must be Flexible: We are short staffed, our place is a mess, you’d better be good with a broom

Oh and three days a week, be early as you’ll be mopping and scrubbing the restroom

Must be accurate: Pay attention to every detail, have positive attitude, and be highly organized

Our manager is a nit picker, tattles to the boss for minor infractions, so you will be scrutinized

Huge Opportunity for Growth: We’re broke and have only twenty four dollars in our bank account

An immediate need for you to land three huge clients within the week would be paramount

Must be a Team Player and able to Multitask: We are undisciplined and have no faith in our current staff

You’ll fill in when a deadbeat doesn’t show up, you’ll do his job and yours, but first you need a polygraph

Salary Commensurate with Experience: This phrase means we’re not planning on paying the new employee squat

You better be willing to work long hours for the minimum,  if expecting more wear clothes that make you look hot.

Years of want ad followup has led me to these conclusions, the job just might not be as the ad appears

So I’ll tell the unemployment lady I’m still out looking and have myself a few more beers.

                                                                                                                                

 

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