Search

An Observer of Life in Bad Poetry

Commentary on Daily Life, Politics and Sports

Open Search
Category

winter weather

A New World Order Christmas

Mandatory overtime had been issued for the last ninety days. The elves were not in their usual joyous mood.

Santa was using his whip on those he considered shirkers as he resorted to constantly cursing and appeared unglued

He was living with new work orders that had been issued by the high command that threatened him with immediate dismissal

It seems that the standard toys such as dolls and video games had been replaced with New Green Deal themed gifts causing the hair on Santa’s neck to bristle

Here it was just before the annual nighttime sleigh ride and he was still scrounging favors from his suppliers to put his list together

His elf packers were frantically loading the sleigh with their hastily drawn plan-o-grams while Santa was grumbling about the approaching weather

“Climate change, my fat ass,” he thought as pulled on his thermal underwear and specially insulated gloves

He already knew he’d be spending this entire Christmas Eve leaving presents behind that no kid loves

Big on his list were mantle display jars so progressive parents could proudly exhibit little Billy’s testicles as mommy and daddy decided to go with the gender-less fad

Santa was also perplexed with the number of requests for the Trump digital trading cards as he studied his list on his I-pad

It seems that Trump in a Superman suit was gaining on the demands for a look alike Zelensky green t-shirt

Security cameras and alarm systems were loaded on the sleigh in an attempt to keep the huge influx of migrants out of people’s homes as the unabated surge continues from the southern desert

The list also highlighted the most requested stocking stuffer as being air freshener and shoe cleaner to help with the odor of having to step through the homeless human waste left on the steps of the office entryway

“It’s gonna be a weird Christmas,” thought Santa as he was checking his orders against what was loaded on his sleigh

“I just hope we don’t get chopped to bits by some spinning windmill that is hard to see in the dark”

Hoping that this year’s “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night,” wouldn’t be his last remark

0

A Holiday Adventure at a Charging Station

It was miserably cold and snowing. The battery indicator readout was dangerously low and Granny’s house was still 150 miles away

The digital numbers were ticking near 20% and dropping rapidly on the display

Passing many service stations with high priced gas, the young mother would have gladly paid six dollars a gallon for a full tank and a seven minute stop

The three young kids all strapped in were fussy and the dog probably needed to pee. The past four hours of squinting through the blurry windshield left her ready to drop

Luckily she was able to pull into a vacant government charging station to plug in as she had downloaded the proper app

Perhaps she’d be able to get the three kids into the snack and restroom kiosk and once back in the car they’ll take a nap

The meter was showing it would be approximately 73 minutes to obtain enough charge to make it to Granny’s house

Guilted into this journey so Granny could spend the holidays with the grandkids, the young mother wasn’t real happy with her absent spouse

Now in addition to changing the kids in the family friendly kiosk facility she had to figure a way to walk the dog

Maybe her one break with the wintery weather is that no one would see the dog relieving himself just outside the car door in the snow and fog

“I’m tired of this movie when are we going to get there?’ asked the five year old from the back seat

Squawked another, “I’m hungry and my feet are cold would you please turn up the heat?”

Silently cursing the DC group that killed the oil industry, she now had to keep her group entertained for the same amount of time it would have taken to finish the trip to Granny’s

Maybe they’ll be willing to play “Find the french fry” that might have fallen into one of the nooks and crannies

As a final insult to this frustrating stop, she had to reach into her purse and get a firm grip on the pepper spray she had concealed

And hoping the dog’s frenzied barking would deter the strange looking man currently knocking on the windshield

0

I Fear No Weather In My New 4X4

 

Finally the moment I’ve been waiting for the wind has picked up and the weather reports forbidding
The roads might go slick with ice and could start cars skidding

The weather forecasters were in agreement, their highly touted high resolution radar does foresee
There’s a chance of sleet, slush or snow if the temperature varies by just a degree

I did what any red blooded male would do when a cold front was moving through
I checked my new SUV for gas and the fridge for an ample supply of cold brew

And to impress the little lady, I pulled around a ladder and swept out the gutters
I also checked the weather seals on the windows and oiled the hinges on the shutters

“I think you’re in overkill,” stated the little lady. “Especially with that big ladder you’ve been dragging.
Besides we shouldn’t have a worry with all the money you spent on that new station wagon.”

“It’s not a station wagon,” I snapped. “Show me a wagon with 355 horsepower and four wheel drive.”
“Whatever,” she countered. “Even without it we have plenty of Spam and would probably survive.”

“But what would happen if a medical emergency happened,” I said. “And someone went into labor?”
With all the eye rolling she could summon replied. “This is a retirement community name someone under 75 who is a neighbor.”

“Ah,” I responded. “You forgot about the mass stampede to the grocery store for milk and bread.”
“Well that would solve our problem,” she grumbled. “You’re lactose intolerant and I’m gluten free. We’d both be dead.”

0

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: