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A Daily Observer in Bad Poetry

Humor in Daily Life, Politics and Sports

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election

Land of the Free

Hello Folks, I appreciate all of you coming out on this cold night
After watching the events of the past years, I know how to have the citizens unite
My slogan here after will be “Make America Reliant Again”
I’ll let the people know the country is there to serve them and not run by a conman
I’m announcing I’m running for President and this I guarantee
We will make America fair to all and the land of the stuff that’s free
Forget that nonsense about asking what you can do for your country
We’re giving everything free without any collusion or a FBI dossier
Here’s my agenda, I’ll lay it out for all to see
And I’m sure most of you out there will agree
First thing we’re gonna open the border and tear down that wall
We’ll welcome all unvetted people warts and all
Next all newcomers whether a resident or not we’ll give the right to vote
They can cast a ballot before their feet are dry from jumping off the boat
I’m convinced they’ll vote in large numbers for the one giving the most free stuff
That candidate will be me, I’ll happily supply all wants and whims for free, sure enough
We’ll let all people vote at sixteen, I mean they are old enough to drive and have a kid
Who am I to block a sophomore in high school ideas’ of government, God forbid
While I’m at it, I’m going to promote the legalization of pot
There’s nothing like an ocean of people who’d rather be high and with welfare not do squat
Because I’m pushing for a federal wage guarantee, security for those unwilling to to work
I mean why work if you don’t have too and look like a do gooder jerk
Also don’t ever worry about sickness as our healthcare for all will take care of you
Ignore the fact your doctor arrived from a third world nation being paddled by six lepers in a bamboo canoe
Finally to keep people like me in power the Electoral College is going away
We refuse to honor a process that keeps all states equal and ends like Hillary’s dismay
If my promises ring hollow and my thoughts of making America reliant you disregard
Just remember, for those that don’t follow me I’ll be happy to pull the racist card.

Where’s Boris

We’re live tonight and riding with Sgt. Al (Big Al) Jackson an officer assigned to Russian Patrol
The agency formed after collusion talks indicated Russian infiltrators needed to be kept under control.
The patrol’s job is to seek out Soviet non-citizens, arrest and book them and have them deported
I’m riding with Sgt. Jackson following leads that residents have reported
Big AL explained he came from a military family and had grown tired of seeing America going down the tubes
Besides chasing bad guys beats working in a office and spending the day peering over cubes
The radio suddenly came to life advising a suspicious person at the Circle K sandwich bar
The suspect was upset that that none of the advertised condiments were Beluga caviar.
Gone before we got there we were tipped that suspicious person might be at Charge Bucks Coffee shop
A customer observed a person sending bulk e-mails of voting misinformation from his laptop
The individual was also agitated the Barista couldn’t create a Lenin likeness in his cappuccino.
Quietly we rolled into the parking lot and stopped behind a vintage El Camino
Approaching the suspect we identified ourselves as a government agency
Laughing, he replied that our numbers were too small to topple this insurgency
Still amused even in handcuffs he advised to take a look at the Mueller investigation
Two years and money wasted and nothing even close to a presidential incrimination
“We work with our network of hackers creating likable bots that America accepts as friends through their gullibility
State something outlandish enough times and fiction becomes fact. A guaranteed inevitability”
So the day progressed, the next stop was a big box store where three hookers were nabbed in the health and beauty aids.
All were demanding diplomatic immunity in an eastern bloc accent while dressed plaid skirts and fake blond braids
The afternoon was spent interviewing green card violators trying to find a Russian connection from a potential deportee
Four hours later we were holding just one suspect who gave his name as Jesus del a Slobinski.
Later over beers, Big Al lamented. “You see it’s no longer a spy vs spy or Tom Cruise hanging on strings.”
“We spend our time waiting by the phone or seeing what new social media rumor tomorrow brings. “
“Yesterday’s detective work was easy. Tips were called in or you knocked on doors
Now we’re forced to follow up on rumors spread by a hacker six thousand miles away spreading lies like mushroom spores.”
The Russians are a dodge. The media is fueling the frenzy by writing their own unsubstantiated fabrications
The writer can read the hackers’ observations and instantly what was fiction is now face book proclamations.
Which is why we’re picking up eastern bloc amateur hookers and a caravan lightweight.
While the real criminal is on the other side of the world spreading gossip for shallow minds to infiltrate”

The Toad and The Peacock

toad

The Toad and The Peacock

The croaking sound heard up and down the road

was the noise of a oily green female toad.

She spoke as she hopped, an expert on everything

She promised prosperity, while passing out taxpayers’ bling

“Follow me down the road and I’ll make your dreams come true.”

She spoke to all as if they were her children that didn’t have a clue

“Racial harmony, free healthcare, and fifteen an hour

This is easy to do when you put me in power.”

And hopping right beside her is the man who would be king.

Once a bitter enemy, he was now her puppet on a string

With a phone, a pen and a wave of the hand

He’s made it his mission to see how much debt this country could stand

With all the full time job losses, no raises and company cut backs

He’s leaving a federal debt that might make the toad squirm in her slacks

But she smiles on knowing she’ll make the job creators pay her tax

And besides in true Democratic fashion she owns all the super Pacs

But goods will be cheaper to the poor,” she argues. “Due to NAFTA product,

And if that’s wrong the FBI will clear me of any misconduct.

So follow me to the election.” said the oily green pant suited toad.

With her minions in tow, she hopped along but suddenly slowed.

Coming into view on a collision course came a strutting peacock.

And right behind him was the giant mass of his hat wearing flock.

We’re gonna make this country great again,” the rooster crowed

Oh you’re the great visionary, save us now, the praises overflowed

While solving all your problems, we’re gonna build a wall”

And our neighbors to the south will pay for it all”

“But what if it’s made out of paper mache?” a woman began to bawl.

Get her the hell out,” the peacock snapped.She’s got a lot of gall.”

How dare I be questioned” cried the rooster. “I’ll send out a snotty tweet.”

And for his believers he spread his feathers bathed in his conceit.

Well lookie who’s here,” crowed the peacock.

It looks like crooked toadie crawled from under a rock.”

Do I hear the great slum lord?” shot back the toad.

The bird of broken contracts, bad manners and hair air blowed.”

I see you’re back from your Hamptons’ vacation chalet.

What was rent this time? 100K?”

Those are mighty nice digs for someone who is dead broke

Are you trying to sound like a regular Joe or just blowing smoke?”

Croaked Toadie, “Let’s worry about the world and your ban on Muslims

They’re just looking for opportunity and you stop them at Customs.”

“No worry about you.” said the bird. America thinks I’m great.”

I can’t wait for the debates and I’ll set you straight.”

The debates will show inexperience,” croaked the toad. “And all will remember

When it comes time to cast that ballet in November.”

One thing is certain, stated the bird. “You and your spouse

Will not have another chance at affairs in the White House.”

So they both cried at once, “In order to keep the faith

Vote for me on November Eighth.”

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