Much has been written lately about Haitian immigrants eating the neighborhood cats

Apparently they circle the area looking for the food bowls placed next to the home’s door mats

And when Mr Fuzzy comes down the sidewalk looking for his ration of Meow Mix, suddenly he’s grabbed, skinned and turning on a spit

Or if to be barbecued the Haitian would have splatchcocked kitty and thrown him on the grill over an open pit

Watching with great interest, Big Food held a series of meetings to determine if there was indeed a market for felines

The general consensus was to test market a few cat menu items to see if the company “could make hay while the sun shines”

But first they had to figure a way to kill that fishy taste with chemicals including riboflavin and sodium diacetate

Because one would need to get maximum enjoyment from chemically enhanced cat on a plate

After much deliberation the first food product to hit the grocer’s shelves was Cat-A-Roni, “the immigrant Haitian treat”

Mixed up well with artificially jerk flavored rice, the box guaranteed the kitty would be good to eat

Microwaved for three minutes in two cups of boiling water and the special flavor pack or twenty minutes on the stove top

And you’ll be eating parts of Mr Fuzzy until you’re ready to pop

Another limited edition release would be Kitty Patty Helper complete with another chemical flavor packet

Just add milk and maybe some peppers and mushrooms and no one will know you’re dining on the local elementary school’s mascot

Finally, on a whim, for one last item of feline protein, it was suggested the addition of Kitty Paws

To satisfy one’s cravings for something sweet would be the little kitty’s paw pads minus the claws

Roasted, toasted, and covered with sweetened syrup, these chewy delights are easy to munch

Just watch the children’s eyes light up when they pop these morsels of goodness and experience that satisfying crunch

Once again Big Food will stop at nothing to exploit a trend

Never let it be said that corporate dining isn’t your friend

So guard your pets if its possible because some immigrant might just be eyeing your cat

Meanwhile Big Food will start their own cat farms, stuff them full of growth chemicals, and then blame people’s sedentary lifestyle for making them fat