“Hi kids and welcome to the Koo Koo Puffs broadcast. Uncle Obama here with his pal Joey, and we have lots of fun things planned for you on this year’s show”

“But mind you, in order to keep us on the air, the most important thing to do is keep us rolling in the dough”

“So did all you kiddies have a big bowl of Koo Koo Puffs this morning?”

“Remember, I know what’s best for you so can eat as much as you like without any kind of warning”

“Also recall what I said about sending in those box tops from your cereal for a chance to win all kinds of free money”

“Don’t forget to send them saying you support the person’s name shown and sign them on the dotted line so you won’t look like a dumb bunny”

“I see all the prefilled box tops rolling in that were signed and mailed and that makes Uncle O really happy”

“And pal Joey is really excited too, and he’ll be here soon right after his nappy”

“And kids remember, even though you may never have heard of the person on the box top or even know what a congressional representative is”

“Just be patient because it takes a while to receive enough box tops for our person to win in this election biz”

“You see on that box top where it says they must be received no later than November 4th for the box top to count”

“Well, we hold off until we know how many box tops our opponent gets, so we can keep opening box top mail until we have enough opened for us to surmount”

“This way, this person you may have never heard of’ gets a job that’s only requirement to rubber stamp everything I say”

“It doesn’t matter if they are suffering from expressive aphasia, is an abortion extremist, or is the actual person in charge of counting ballots, its all okay”

“And kids don’t forget about that pack of delicious Chinese candy in the box. It’ll make you feel oh so good”

“But just remember to mail in your box top before trying those yummy gummies. Is that understood?”