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Blink Away! Damn Ye!

The bill had shown up in yesterday’s mail. The physician had billed the insurance company, but the company had only paid 25%

After paying the standard $50 co-pay you had hoped the insurance company would cover the balance over what you’d already spent

But here it is. An additional charge of $410 for a ten-minute consultation with a PA and a standard throat culture

You mistakenly figured the $165 withheld from every paycheck would cover something but there you were, miserable, being eyed like roadkill from a vulture

Therefore you brought up your laptop to find the doctor’s portal checking to see if the bill was in order

And sure enough, the never seen doctor has signed off on the charge much to your horror

Now having to turn to your little book filled with usernames and passwords, to find your current insurance provider

As usual the crossouts, write-overs, and highlighted words in the insurance section resembled a web created by a drunken spider

Typing in the eight letters and symbols thought to create the current strong password, you hit submit

Instantly the red sentence appears advising the password entered is incorrect please readmit

Sent again after carefully typing the letters and symbols, the same warning appeared along with the annoying grating question of “forgot password?”

The swearing that followed cleared three days of phlegm from the irritated throat and echoed off the walls, but your cat was the only one that heard

So you went to the live chat. That digital friend that beckons you to ask a question

After identifying yourself with your insurance card and birthdate the screen pops with “a service representative will be with you shortly,” doing nothing for your now bubbling indigestion

“Ob-li-dee Ob-li-da” the soft tones of the Harmonica Cats droned on interrupted only with “Your call is very important to us, please continue to hold”

After twenty-five minutes with your bladder at def-con 4, the announcement appeared that you are currently next in line to be consoled

Meanwhile, in the Delhi, India call center the employees are engaged in the game of best time slots given to the number of calls taken

But the one flashing message had your anticipation growing that you would not be forsaken

Unfortunately your call had been routed to Bugwan going by his call center name of Steven

Bugwan it seems has a bad attitude and currently has nine hours left on late shift as his track record has been uneven

As you’re staring at the screen for ten straight minutes waiting for someone to pick up, “Ob-La-de”

Steven stares at his console munching on yesterday’s Balti Chicken thinking “Blink away Damn Ye”

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Fighting The Elements

The first of the month was once again here and the monthly bill paying depression had set in. For the last three years just breaking even was the goal, forget about being in the black

Cutting more costs now seemed out of the question but the bills continue to grow judging by the size of the stack

The promotion and raise had happened but easy street was nowhere to be found

Now there is additional job stress with more responsibility and longer hours as the road to financial freedom never gains ground

The commute alone is $150 more a month for the forty-five minute one way trip

The price of gas has been up two dollars for three years and the cost of operating the car never seems to dip

The new battery was $175 and the two older tires are not showing much tread

The car seemed like a bargain when parked on the lot but no one ever discussed the overhead

And don’t even start a discussion about car insurance or any insurance for that matter

Like vultures in a tree the insurance corporations look for any reason to make their profits fatter

The premium increase notice had been received for both car and health

No claims had been filed for either, so the notice claimed the “price adjustments were never easy” as the unspoken truth was we needed to adjust our wealth

While the ever multiplying “you may owe” letters pour in from the insurer for the regular physicals and procedures that used to paid in full

Now the insurers look at what the physician charges like a red flag in the face of a bull

The doctors are charging more to cover their spiraling office outlay costs and escalating insurance expense

It seems every year a jury awards a 50 million dollar settlement for a botched operation and a huge premium increase is the insurers’ knee-jerk defense

In turn the physicians charge more than the insurance companies pay and pass the difference on to the patient

Perhaps not the amount billed to the underwriters but enough to make their time sufficient

While the patient sits in the examination room answering questions like “Are you feeling depressed?”

Perhaps there is a way a citizen could break from this monthly bill paying torture they absolutely detest

They can purchase a one way ticket to Mexico and walk across the border claiming they are a Central American deportee

And all those bills causing anxiety and sleep deprivation will suddenly be free

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Singing The Insurance Blues

Grandpa Smith was in a panic. The new insurance rate quote lying on the dining room table had him reaching for his heart pills

He’d been with this company for better than thirty years had done the bundle for home and auto, always paid on time and yet the new quote left him with cold chills

The note on the bottom of the bill advised that for further clarification please call this 800 number.

The nice young man expressed appropriate empathy while stating that everything was more expensive from labor for car repairs and for home storm damage the price of lumber

“But I’ve never filed a claim,” stated Grandpa. “I live in old house and drive a nine-year-old car.”

“That’s considered a bit of an issue Mr Smith,” explained Ajai, the voice on the phone. Should a strong wind damage your older roof the price of shingles has sky-rocketed and your rates go up the older you are.”

“Also repair rates for autos has drastically increased due to inflation. Have you seen what a body shop charges to replace a front grill?”

“And yet when an uninsured motorist runs into you, we’re required to pay the bill”

“Think about this Mr Smith, everytime you see a riot, a tornado, or a wildfire everyone files a claim”

“And with the number of undocumented migrants trying to drive, the new uninsured motorist rates currently being figured will make this current quote look tame”

“So what happens if I file a claim for a damaged roof after a wind storm?” asked Grandpa Smith.

“Oh, we’ll pay for the roof,” stated Ajai. “But realize this, it maybe with you we’re over and done with”

Astonished, the old man observed, “So after thirty years and paying all the premiums you’ll drop me just like that.”

“As much as we appreciate your business Mr Smith. If you file a claim we’d drop you in nothing flat”

“Gee Ajai it seems like you ought to rebate some money for never filing a claim. You don’t treat you existing customers very well at least at the bank they offered me a free blender”

“Mr Smith, we don’t have any rebate program but if you stop by our office you can pick up a free desk calender”

“Ajai, I don’t know where you live or what you drive but I think you know what you can do with your calendar and your quote”

“Mr Smith, I’m sorry you feel this way, but for your information I live in Bangladesh and drive a cart powered by a goat.”

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