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China

We’re A Little Worried About Joey

Wikipedia defines paranoia “as an instinct or thought process that is believed by anxiety or fear to the point of delusion or irrationality”

Knowing his days are numbered, Paranoid Joe wants to make his mark as his thoughts are increasingly occupied by his own mortality

“Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs or beliefs of conspiracy causing a perceived threat towards oneself (i.e. everyone is out to get me)”

Poor Joey doesn’t realize in his anxiety, those that disrespect him the most are the real powers that be

Those powers forced a pig in a poke on the American public and just now are beginning to realize the extent of their folly

Now the hand-picked flunkies surrounding this figurehead stand helplessly by as Russia fires volley after volley

The tanks rolled into Ukraine over a year ago and tons of money were thrown in that direction to prop up the puppet regime

“We need more money, we need more weapons, we need jets, and now we need soldiers,” the T-shirt continues to scream

“Why is this happening to us?” The lapdogs wonder. All thought they reinforced the idea that every crisis could be blamed on Putin and Trump

Now China is meeting with Russia, Russia is blowing our drones out of the sky, and the last thing the world remembers of our retreat in Afghanistan is a picture of a fleeing uniformed American rump

An unhinged Captain Queeg in The Caine Mutiny had his marbles, Joe appears to have his printing press. By printing money he doesn’t have he thinks all is cured and everyone will like him

And from that pool of unaudited money his crooked family will continue to skim

His caretakers advise him to answer no questions as he hides from one disaster after another

And questions yelled as he staggers stiff legged from the podium go in one ear and out the other

So he hides on his private beach making America’s problems all based on climate change and race

While hoping some other world power big meany doesn’t run up and kick sand in his face

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New Guidelines for the Chinese Drive Thru Anal Test Sites

Breaking news as we go to press, the Chinese Disease Control or CDC has issued the following release

Masks must worn in public at all times or risk arrest by the police

The release also stated there is no time limit set as to when the mask mandate will expire

However there are instances when more than one mask will be required

The Chinese seemed particularly concerned about the drive thru anal swab testing sites

The anal swab team has been issued specific guidelines to follow with each car to not violate the citizens’ rights

The tester must remain respectful at all times regardless of the size of the tush hanging out the window

The tester must be willing to assist those having their keister wedged in the window opening of a Ford Pinto

The area to be swabbed must be thoroughly cleaned before proceeding to the next step

A pressure wash machine is available for extreme cases but the cleansing is usually accomplished with an alcohol prep

The tester will always be double gloved with the first glove replaced after every test

That glove is then cleaned, sanitized and by an apprentice blown into checking for leaks to be ready for the next guest

The visitor will always indicate what they had for dinner the previous night

As that reveals to the tester how many masks they need to wear to remain conscious and upright

Though three masks are the maximum the CDC allows most testers have a few extras in their backpack

Because after an all you can eat dinner of fish paste and General Tso’s Spicy Chicken three masks are not enough to approach that crack

And in the case of the notorious Wo Big Fat whose rear oozes out the window and covers the door knob

The tester drawing the short straw will need a fourth mask and a much larger swab

Hopefully by understanding these guidelines one can hang their butt out the window with assurance

That the testing will be professional, mostly painless and covered by your insurance

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Back To The Bats

animatedimages.org

The world waited breathlessly for the findings of the WHO working with China to find the cause of the current global disease

Though originally thought to have been caused by animals, it became generally accepted it was a leak at the Wuhan lab that brought the world to its knees

“It probably was an animal”were the dubious findings issued by the investigation as a spread by a lab leak was highly unlikely

Transparent as paint China guarded their information for over a year while the virus ravaged the world and the culprits stood by silently

Animals are the easy villain as the Chinese diners regularly feast on all that walks, slithers, swims or crawls

Customers in the wet market can casually stroll through the hallways and select their menu from the many pitiful eyes peering back from the stalls

Three squeak infant mice, dancing shrimp, fresh puppy dogs are all served up chop stick ready

Add in another original exotic dish from the new hot chef and the clientele could be called trendy

Even though the ingredients of the bug, cat, and bat combo platter had just been butchered capturing the fresh aspect, any virus the the animal harbored could be transferred

What microorganisms that lived in the host’s legs, scales or feces might still exist, but assuming the risk is part of the game as freshness is preferred

“It’s still a work in progress” stated the WHO “this will require further investigation”

This means continue to fund our Chinese controlled efforts in the name of cooperation

Now that the unconvincing results have been obtained new research will be concentrated on how to stop the spread of the plague

The man in the White House of Egg Roll claimed victory mostly on how he could stop the illness’s spread but his solutions are at once both retreads and vague

Ban travel or not, wear multiple masks, close specific businesses, continue to isolate are all included in his scheme of the week

Have the sycophantic mouthpieces preach doom and despair and tint chances of rapid recovery as bleak

China knows Americans are gullible sheep, they believe what they see provided the phrase seen isn’t more than a two sentence tweet

So blame the animals, they can’t fight back and besides if fresh they are said to be good to eat

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As Seen On TV

After four nights of Trump bashing, bad jokes and spurned angry women, we have a special offer

We’re giving the voters an opportunity for a true keepsake and an excuse to fill our coffer

But wait as a special offer mail your vote now and we’ll send you two

That’s right, not one but two socialist dolls as we turn America blue

The pair comes with a bendable Biden doll that has no backbone, a truly malleable figure

The democratic house, antifa and BLM are ready for a new America they will configure

A puppet for the democratic goals of molding America into a nation of government dependent wimps

Already advising he will institute a nationwide mask mandate and this is only a glimpse

Capitalism, gas and oil and guns will go by the wayside as unfettered illegal immigration crashes all healthcare systems

Hardworking Americans will watch their dreams and savings vanish only to wind up as vacant eyed socialist victims

Heavy taxation, lawlessness, and immigration caravans will be the order of the day

While both Russia and China will be rubbing their hands with glee over their naive prey

Order now and we’ll include the former presidential candidate Kamala doll handpicked just for you.

A woman of color, half black, half Asian and married to a white guy. A democrat’s dream come true

Though she ripped Biden to shreds in the first debate, she succumbed to others’ scrutiny and dropped from the race

Not showing leadership principles she chose to cut and run from facts rather than lose face

This offer won’t last long so just add separate shipping and handling to receive this special TV deal

Included will be six ballots with dead peoples’ names to mail in so this election won’t be the Electoral College’s to steal

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