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An Observer of Life in Bad Poetry

Commentary on Daily Life, Politics and Sports

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Big Food

Cat-A-Roni

Much has been written lately about Haitian immigrants eating the neighborhood cats

Apparently they circle the area looking for the food bowls placed next to the home’s door mats

And when Mr Fuzzy comes down the sidewalk looking for his ration of Meow Mix, suddenly he’s grabbed, skinned and turning on a spit

Or if to be barbecued the Haitian would have splatchcocked kitty and thrown him on the grill over an open pit

Watching with great interest, Big Food held a series of meetings to determine if there was indeed a market for felines

The general consensus was to test market a few cat menu items to see if the company “could make hay while the sun shines”

But first they had to figure a way to kill that fishy taste with chemicals including riboflavin and sodium diacetate

Because one would need to get maximum enjoyment from chemically enhanced cat on a plate

After much deliberation the first food product to hit the grocer’s shelves was Cat-A-Roni, “the immigrant Haitian treat”

Mixed up well with artificially jerk flavored rice, the box guaranteed the kitty would be good to eat

Microwaved for three minutes in two cups of boiling water and the special flavor pack or twenty minutes on the stove top

And you’ll be eating parts of Mr Fuzzy until you’re ready to pop

Another limited edition release would be Kitty Patty Helper complete with another chemical flavor packet

Just add milk and maybe some peppers and mushrooms and no one will know you’re dining on the local elementary school’s mascot

Finally, on a whim, for one last item of feline protein, it was suggested the addition of Kitty Paws

To satisfy one’s cravings for something sweet would be the little kitty’s paw pads minus the claws

Roasted, toasted, and covered with sweetened syrup, these chewy delights are easy to munch

Just watch the children’s eyes light up when they pop these morsels of goodness and experience that satisfying crunch

Once again Big Food will stop at nothing to exploit a trend

Never let it be said that corporate dining isn’t your friend

So guard your pets if its possible because some immigrant might just be eyeing your cat

Meanwhile Big Food will start their own cat farms, stuff them full of growth chemicals, and then blame people’s sedentary lifestyle for making them fat

Killa Wafers

In the 1943 edition of Joy Of Cooking, Granny would have a followed the recipe should she desire some vanilla wafers for dessert

She would have donned her baking apron worn from years of use to protect her only Sunday skirt

She then assembled all her ingredients including sugar, vanilla, and egg and butter

She would have sifted the flour, added whole milk and beat the batter smooth. Then she would roll it flat and shape the cookies with a cutter

Pretty soon the aroma of baking vanilla wafers would be wafting through the house

A simple cookie baked in seven minutes with real ingredients and served with pride to guest, kids and spouse

Fast forward 80 years and forget about fooling around in a hot kitchen for simple cookies just buy a box of vanilla wafers at the store

Besides looking at today’s ingredients and having them on hand would be a near impossible chore

For that matter Granny could never bake with the ingredients listed on the side of the box

As most of the ingredients listed sound like refugees from a chemistry class and if not measured properly would probably choke an ox

Granny would become very frustrated trying to add thiamine mononitrate to her batter

And knowing full well that using high fructose corn syrup would only make Gramps a little fatter

And don’t get Granny started on natural and artificial flavors. “What is it?” she snapped angrily causing her false teeth to click
“Vanilla is the main flavor and its not even listed,” she advised. “This gunk would make you very sick.”

“Sorry, I’m not eating anything that says contains mono and diglycerides.” I guess they figure no one will read this list.”

The grandchildren would have already scattered as they could tell by her red face and the tone of her voice she was pissed

Someone should have told Granny before she passed away at 93 that food is better today through modern chemistry and mass production

However after cleaning her grand kid’s backpack and finding a three-year-old store bought vanilla wafer looking like it just came out of the box, she’d have known better by deduction

Welcome To The Healthcare Merry-Go-Round

The doctor stood at the ready. A prescription pad in one hand and a referral list in the other

This patient was back for the third time with the same complaint so it was time to shift him from this practice to another

The insurance company was demanding one more meaningless medical trial before allowing the needed surgery to take place

The doc knew that lifestyle changes and better habits were needed to achieve success but here he was telling this obese person that one more pill was not a wild goose chase

Big Food already had years of throwing patient’s digestive tract into total disarray

Now at eighty pounds overweight, this individual cannot walk past any all you can eat buffet

So the ever present penny pinchers from the insurance company were demanding this physician prescribe an antidepressant that has shown to aid in weight loss

Besides, it delays the inevitable as the unscrupulous bean counters at the insurance company are always thinking about profits and costs

In addition, according to their mortality charts, if this person goes on a 90-day course of medication, because of previous medical records, age, and lifestyle, there is a 37% chance this person may die

This also keeps Big Pharma happy. Their TV commercials had netted the gullible and keeps their greedy fingers in the pie

The doctor writes the insurance demanded script and hands that and a referral slip to the patient to see a shrink

Now both Big Pharma and Big Medicine get to bill the insurance company and that pack of pirates then raises the patient’s premium before he can blink

All the pieces had fallen in place. Big food had spent years convincing this individual that their product was nutritious and safe when in reality the food conglomerates were slowly poisoning this person

Addicting him to the disguised high fructose corn syrup and preservatives causing multiple complications and his general health to worsen

The doc was caught in the middle. He had joined a hospital group to avoid the extreme costs of an individual practice

Now with both a required head count and in-network referrals, at the end of the day he feels as if he had been roped and drug through the cactus

But this is today’s modern medicine. To keep the insurance payments coming, fill the waiting room, spend a maximum of ten minutes with each patient and move on to another

Meet the pharmaceutical rep in the back room, agree on purchasing a supply of drug doses, sign on the dotted line and remember that one hand washes the other

Life goes on in circles. The doc is connected to the hospitals, who represent the rules and regulations of Big Medicine, who is connected to Big Pharma, who is connected to the insurance companies who are connected to the patient.

It seems with all these groups fighting for this sick person’s last remaining dollar, he just might need to sign with an agent

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