An Observer of Life in Bad Poetry

The receipt read this store values your feedback. Please fill out the short survey and have a chance at the monthly drawing to win a $500 gift card

(and just so you know since you filled out the survey before if you don’t answer these questions your e-mail box we will bombard)

The alleged short survey asks for a star rating on a few particular items purchased today

The store not only asks for your money to purchase their product, but also your free time much to your dismay

You had maneuvered your cart up and down the clogged aisles, past annoying merchandise display shippers, other shoppers and employees filling multiple on-line requests

The highlight of the shopping experience, sitting on their soft drink lined mechanized carts were very obese customers in various stages of undress

Finally, after an exhausting search for the last item on your list, you jockey your cart to the self- checkout

The two manned registers had a long lines, so the open checkout register seemed to be the quickest route

But the machine charged you $28 for a four dollar item meaning you had to press the need assistance light

And the only store employee with the magic code to over-ride the machine error was nowhere in sight

So the fastest way out of the store now became an interminable 12-minute wait

At last exiting the store you had to push past the cute little tykes hawking their fund-raising wares, not believing the four-letter words coming from the children mouths filled with so much hate

Eventually unloading the items purchased it wasn’t ten minutes before your e-mail inbox chimed

It was as if the big box store had your location and your trip home timed

So to keep the inbox clutter-free and to get the store off your back you go ahead and take the survey

The e-mail stated a short survey, but time required and the sheer number of questions asked, the short survey turned into a grad school essay

Were you greeted by a team member? How was the product variety, availability and value? Were you offered assistance?

As with all big box stores, you’re there because their discounted prices have driven the little guys out of business, and you think you saw a store associate off in the distance

Fifteen minutes into the survey answering why you checked a three star instead of five

You realize most of this survey was just a lot of corporate jive

What the store really wants to know is why you are buying a particular product to help with future product distribution

In reality, since you rolled your cart up and down the endless aisles, self checked, paid your hard-earned money, and sacked your own purchases, was the store really out reward you for your contribution

But if you think you have a shot in hell of winning the cash prize

Read the fine print in the rules and regulations and let that dose of reality hit you right between the eyes