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September 2024

Peeling Back The Onion

With the indictment of Eric Adams one wonders how many layers of the onion skin one has to peel to get to the smell

Mayor Adams it seems was not happy about using massive amounts of money to give the migrants a place to dwell

So indict the malcontent. He was happy to preside over a sanctuary city as long as the illegals were bused to another location

But now publicly troubled it was time to expose his wrong doing or that is the implication

His onion only had the first layers removed before the bribery and fraud charges came to light

That being said, how many layers in the sack of Washington onions would one need to peel in order to indict

The answer is not many. How many in Congress have become wealthy living off the taxpayers backs

Kick-backs from investors, back room hand shakes with the enemy, and the never ending climate change tax

A few in Congress could be considered pearl onions as there are few layers to peel and not much odor

However many in Congress have been there far too long and a big stink emanates from the sack as they have begun to molder

The big guy had been around so long his stench was unbearable

Perhaps due to age his ability to smell was gone and he thought his adult diaper was still wearable

But more than likely the other onions realized his use-by date had expired and it was time to restock with fresher produce

So they’re using shelf stable version, the one that sat around for four years and up until now no one had any use

The newer produce was not elected in the primaries, has accomplished virtually nothing, and for all practical purposes has just been a White House squatter

It’s always strange with politicians like onions, one doesn’t have to peel many layers before one’s eyes start to water

As long as this new onion keeps her layers intact she’ll add just the right flavor to the main dish

By keeping her head low she’ll be sitting on the throne for 30 days before America is moaning, “I can’t believe I voted for this”

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Kamala’s Krazy Kharacters

Hey Kids! What time is it?! It’s time again for the Kamala Show featuring her cast of crazy puppets

Just remember kids, these puppets all say the same thing, so they sure aren’t the Muppets

Kamala decided this is the best way to win the election. Let her puppets do her talking in their own lingo and she can hide from the press. Obviously an understudy of the demented one for the last four years

He wrote the democratic handbook on how to campaign. Come out of hiding, make a creepy, whispery, angry statement, then walk away while the world watches as he disappears

Because she can’t copy this blueprint exactly she decided to hide off-stage and let her puppets do the talking

That way she can continue to say nothing, take no questions, and not look like the dead man walking

Frieda the fry girl opens the show complete in the McDonald’s uniform with a hairnet smelling slightly like an eight dollar Big Mac

Asking a customer what kind of middle class burger they would like to fill up the sack

Next up is Mike the roughneck fracking puppet. Dressed in tough guy working clothes he praises Kamala for keeping fracking and bread on the table

What Mike doesn’t know is Kamala won’t sign the leases to permit fracking as soon as she is able

Coming on stage now is Sista Latrese, one of the black puppets Kamala takes for granted. “Of course we be voting for Kamala, cause we be part of the women of color club”

“We’re the future the democrats have been promising for 100 years and because democrats would never lie we’ll be learning to wash our greens in our middle class tub”

Hitting the stage next and keeping a wary eye out for ICE because she has no green card, is Juanita the Latin housekeeper.

Employed in a middle class home, Juanita is tired of changing linens and diapers but is grateful for the job she obtained because she works cheaper

“Still waiting on that free house,” screams Angelo the migrant Haitian puppet. “All we got now is hotel rooms, free phones and food, We demand middle class!”

Kids remember it was only six weeks ago Angelo was living in homeland squalor in a tin hut with a roof of grass

See how far Angelo’s come just by crossing the border and living off the goodness of the Red Cross and Catholic Charities

Just ignore the fact that empires have failed for centuries because of invasions, bad economies, and political divisions. History is a giant circle just look at the Roman Empire similarities

And to close out the the show is our favorite rapper Fat Slo Mo whose song We be freakin’ to the middle class is number one on the charts

With the lyrics “da bitches and da hoes better bring the goods,” we appreciate all the wisdom the song imparts

Hopefully Kamala doesn’t consider herself a hoe and the lyric is from a spurned rapper and just sour grapes

But both are hoping they don’t turn up in compromising positions on Diddy’s sex tapes

So kids come and spend an afternoon with Kamala and her friends

She won’t answer any questions and will stay quiet and not look stupid before to the White House she ascends

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Cat-A-Roni

Much has been written lately about Haitian immigrants eating the neighborhood cats

Apparently they circle the area looking for the food bowls placed next to the home’s door mats

And when Mr Fuzzy comes down the sidewalk looking for his ration of Meow Mix, suddenly he’s grabbed, skinned and turning on a spit

Or if to be barbecued the Haitian would have splatchcocked kitty and thrown him on the grill over an open pit

Watching with great interest, Big Food held a series of meetings to determine if there was indeed a market for felines

The general consensus was to test market a few cat menu items to see if the company “could make hay while the sun shines”

But first they had to figure a way to kill that fishy taste with chemicals including riboflavin and sodium diacetate

Because one would need to get maximum enjoyment from chemically enhanced cat on a plate

After much deliberation the first food product to hit the grocer’s shelves was Cat-A-Roni, “the immigrant Haitian treat”

Mixed up well with artificially jerk flavored rice, the box guaranteed the kitty would be good to eat

Microwaved for three minutes in two cups of boiling water and the special flavor pack or twenty minutes on the stove top

And you’ll be eating parts of Mr Fuzzy until you’re ready to pop

Another limited edition release would be Kitty Patty Helper complete with another chemical flavor packet

Just add milk and maybe some peppers and mushrooms and no one will know you’re dining on the local elementary school’s mascot

Finally, on a whim, for one last item of feline protein, it was suggested the addition of Kitty Paws

To satisfy one’s cravings for something sweet would be the little kitty’s paw pads minus the claws

Roasted, toasted, and covered with sweetened syrup, these chewy delights are easy to munch

Just watch the children’s eyes light up when they pop these morsels of goodness and experience that satisfying crunch

Once again Big Food will stop at nothing to exploit a trend

Never let it be said that corporate dining isn’t your friend

So guard your pets if its possible because some immigrant might just be eyeing your cat

Meanwhile Big Food will start their own cat farms, stuff them full of growth chemicals, and then blame people’s sedentary lifestyle for making them fat

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Please Pass The Republican Hating Salt

Recently Kamala Harris took time from her busy schedule of avoiding the press and policy questions to shop for spices

She chose a shop that for years think they’re the leader in world solutions by raising their product prices

In fact the owner on his web page in the About Us section states, “We’re trying to make the world a better place”

Apparently the answer to the world problems lies somewhere between curry powder and the Creamy Peppercorn Dressing Base

Written on his website is a diatribe called About Republicans which in a pretentious tone presented throughout states, “there is no hate”

Further reading suggests there is no hate only if you allow this conceited gerbil your thought process to dictate

He goes on to state that one reason that votes weren’t cast for Biden is that his son had a computer.

That would be the computer that had the nude first son smoking crack, partying with hookers and explicit pictures showing their hooters and cooter

This is also the same son who just pled guilty to nine tax related charges in an attempt to avoid jail time

So when Kamala vows to fight lawlessness she might start with her boss’s family crime

Also the Empress of Pomposity, Hilary Clinton was mentioned because she used e-mails.

If it were only e-mails, she’d have been a shoe-in. It was the path of detritus left in her wake that caused her to go off the rails

Little items such as the foolish Russian Red Reset Button, enabling her predator husband, misjudging healthcare, and leaving Benghazi an open and vulnerable target

All of which she thought if it wasn’t mentioned she could just sweep under the carpet

Advising on the page to toe the line to be welcomed as a customer or “you might be happier elsewhere”

With that veiled threat taken, perhaps all should kowtow to this man’s thinly disguised tirade because shopping elsewhere for your pumpkin spice might be more than the average citizen could bear

In a worst case scenario , Walmart has wide selection of affordable spices all stocked by a Hilary Clinton deplorable

But hide the jars in a closed cabinet because if guests saw you weren’t using Penzeys the outcry would be horrible

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We’re Gonna Need You One More Time

It’s been four years since we last spoke, my how time does fly

We all hope you’re doing well but we do have one request before we say goodbye

You see we’re going to need you to vote for us when you can

Remember we’re the party that is running a woman of color against an old white man

And its because of her we’re only gonna need you one more time

Because now she is promising a better economy, a secure border, and to be tough on crime

Ignore the fact that because of her administration that you are struggling to make ends meet, fill your car, put food on the table, and gunshots that keep you awake at night

Keep in mind that its all Trump’s fault and continue to hate everything white

That hopeless feeling that hits you every morning is just a normal reaction

Living slightly below paycheck to paycheck, we’ll wave fictitious reparations under your nose as a distraction

We’re going to ask you to tap dance one more time down to the ballot box

While you step toe over the junkies, the pushers, and hostile migrants that have taken over your blocks

Because in four more years we won’t need your vote as the 10 million new citizens will all be voting for us

Meaning in reality you’ll be sitting further back in the bus

We’re already moving them into your cities to take over your neighborhood

Foreign language signs will now be viewed where your uncle’s store of fifty years had stood

But don’t worry about that, like a largemouth bass seeing a shiny new lure, we’re going to reel you in

We’re going to ignore the real issues and make this election about gender and the color of your skin

We’re gonna make up some facts, call them true, try to arrest our opponent, and glorify our candidate

Oh yeah, we’ll get some celebrities and rap stars to appear on stage and say we’re great

So because your relatives before you blindly voted for us and because to their old beliefs they cling

We’re asking you to vote for the woman who washes her greens in her tub and has a Tobasco flavored bathtub ring

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