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An Observer of Life in Bad Poetry

Commentary on Daily Life, Politics and Sports

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July 2023

UFOs-UAPs-Walmartians

The task force was on high alert. They had heard from a reliable source that aliens were on the ground

An Air Force fighter jet had fired on a sphere-like object and had reported it as downed

The burning hole in the farmer’s pasture revealed little more than bits of an unknown metal and an empty can of Spam

However, multiple large three toed unidentified tracks led away from the smoldering site and strange ghost-like images could be seen on the farmer’s game cam

Also missing was the broken down, rusted through, and tire-less 1998 Dodge Durango that hadn’t run in years

The very skeptical sheriff dismissed the old missing car story as more hysteria from too much TV about the final frontiers

But a deputy on patrol stated he’s seen an old Durango in the parking lot of the local Walmart

So the G-men assigned to the case set up a stakeout in an unmarked van with one of the team hovering near the Durango pushing a shopping cart

The task force was excited as Congress had heard testimony from both military and civilian pilots on many alien encounters

A chance to capture or at least photograph one of these creatures should quiet most of the doubters

Breathlessly watching, a window on the Durango was cranked down and a skinny limb protruded with a tiny object aimed at arriving Walmart guests

The usual customers were arriving in typical Walmart fashion of various forms of disheveled undress

The skinny limb withdrew back into the car and within seconds the doors opened and out stepped the objects of this pursuit

The video cameras suddenly stopped as the task force realized they were filming an overweight woman in her housecoat and slippers, three unruly kids, and some frazzled looking old coot

“Do you suppose those are aliens?” asked one the Special Agents

“Let’s follow them in and see what happens before any engagement”

Swiftly the four member FBI task force descended on the store entrance and quickly shushed the greeter

And to their horror discovered the store was filled with old coots, overweight women, unruly kids and one guy they recognized as a wife beater

Retreating back to their van, the task force ascertained they’ll need to re-evaluate their game plan

Content in the knowledge that sitting in a Walmart parking lot was far better than being televised lying to Congress on CSPAN

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How To Be President

The creased and dog-eared copy of How To Be President rested in the basket beside the White House commode

The very slim booklet was there for the Commander in Chief to read at his leisure when the applesauce flowed

The booklet was less than forty pages with a large font and many pages had been accentuated with a yellow highlighter

For instance a passage on passing gas at a state dinner was advising trying to hold on and squeeze the buttocks a little tighter

On the contrary, letting one rip and placing a thumb on the forehead and pointing at the visiting foreign dignitary is frowned upon

Chapter three deals with the press and the behaviour of your offspring especially when one turns out to be your evil spawn

The book states to express admiration in your child’s intelligence, deny any association with his wrong doing and ignore him when featured in pornography on his laptop

Have your accountants hide the stream of foreign bribes into your offshore accounts and shell companies while you continue to harvest the cash crop

Chapter five is completely marked in yellow explaining how to handle America’s sudden turn for the worse

It emphasizes blaming all failures on your bombastic buffoon predecessor and if pressed by questions from the media simply sneer and fail to converse

The final chapter deals with a pathway to retirement without any guilt

It reads that after emptying the Treasury to fund your foreign puppet bag man, draining all the countries’ gas reserves, and killing any optimism of the American citizens, simply walk away with no crying over any blood you have spilt

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A Surgeon’s Dilemma

The surgeon had managed to retain her composure and expressed her empathy with this patient’s rants

She had seen the studies and knew the lessened chances of survival with mismatched gender transplants

This individual was adamant about receiving a male heart

The doc knew the survival rates increased with same sex transplants and this person’s, born female now with a failing heart, arguments were not smart

In reality modern medicine can only do so much. There are shots to grow hair, surgery to create gender facsimiles and shrinks to stroke the self-esteem

Because waking in the morning, before the regiment of daily maintenance procedures there lurks a nagging suspicion that this gender transformation is nothing more than a dream

But today after months of waiting, blood type matching, age considerations, diabetes status, and other medical regulations a heart has become available

But to the doctor’s dismay the patient knew the donor was female and their view on receiving this organ was unassailable

Essentially signing their own death certificate this patient was taking on their long groomed role of martyr

And any attempt at reasoning from the exasperated surgeon was a nonstarter

Throwing up her hands, the surgeon suggested this patient perhaps would be happier with a different MD

A perfectly matched heart may never happen again but one can’t argue with those so blind they cannot see

In a couple of months when the undertaker lifts the drape on this lifeless body and makes notes of the cadaver in detail

He’ll know in their attempt to live life as a male, they still died a female

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Welcome To The Healthcare Merry-Go-Round

The doctor stood at the ready. A prescription pad in one hand and a referral list in the other

This patient was back for the third time with the same complaint so it was time to shift him from this practice to another

The insurance company was demanding one more meaningless medical trial before allowing the needed surgery to take place

The doc knew that lifestyle changes and better habits were needed to achieve success but here he was telling this obese person that one more pill was not a wild goose chase

Big Food already had years of throwing patient’s digestive tract into total disarray

Now at eighty pounds overweight, this individual cannot walk past any all you can eat buffet

So the ever present penny pinchers from the insurance company were demanding this physician prescribe an antidepressant that has shown to aid in weight loss

Besides, it delays the inevitable as the unscrupulous bean counters at the insurance company are always thinking about profits and costs

In addition, according to their mortality charts, if this person goes on a 90-day course of medication, because of previous medical records, age, and lifestyle, there is a 37% chance this person may die

This also keeps Big Pharma happy. Their TV commercials had netted the gullible and keeps their greedy fingers in the pie

The doctor writes the insurance demanded script and hands that and a referral slip to the patient to see a shrink

Now both Big Pharma and Big Medicine get to bill the insurance company and that pack of pirates then raises the patient’s premium before he can blink

All the pieces had fallen in place. Big food had spent years convincing this individual that their product was nutritious and safe when in reality the food conglomerates were slowly poisoning this person

Addicting him to the disguised high fructose corn syrup and preservatives causing multiple complications and his general health to worsen

The doc was caught in the middle. He had joined a hospital group to avoid the extreme costs of an individual practice

Now with both a required head count and in-network referrals, at the end of the day he feels as if he had been roped and drug through the cactus

But this is today’s modern medicine. To keep the insurance payments coming, fill the waiting room, spend a maximum of ten minutes with each patient and move on to another

Meet the pharmaceutical rep in the back room, agree on purchasing a supply of drug doses, sign on the dotted line and remember that one hand washes the other

Life goes on in circles. The doc is connected to the hospitals, who represent the rules and regulations of Big Medicine, who is connected to Big Pharma, who is connected to the insurance companies who are connected to the patient.

It seems with all these groups fighting for this sick person’s last remaining dollar, he just might need to sign with an agent

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